Moving far away...

IrishSheepdog

Sitting in the median
Ok, so I have a job lead in a state far away from where I currently live for a position with a Flight School in an amazing town, at an amazing airport. However, my girlfriend has another year of school remaining. We are in a very serious relationship, and I'm very certain we will probably get hitched after she is done and we start getting enough money to support ourselves.

Am I dumb to pass up the job to try and stay in a town with a lack of pilot jobs to move halfway across the country to the east coast for a job, leaving my girlfriend behind? We would hardly see each other at all, and I feel like that time apart will be a huge strain on our relationship. Also, since this right now is such a stressful time for her, I really want to be here for her.

Am I a moron for thinking this way? Should I just take the job and hope for the best? I talked to my friends about it, and they keep saying "just take the job, you want to be a pilot." But a lot don't understand about the relationship factor. I just think it would be good to get some input from some pilots here who might have more life experience.

Thanks in advance...
 

Kristie

Mama Bear....
Staff member
first question... how old are you? cuz with the younger you are, the more life you have coming up ahead of you and with only a year till she's done with school - that time will go quickly!! I've known a few couples who have been separated for 2 years or more because they're taking classes in a different state...

how long have you two been dating? there are things you can do within a year that will make it easier for you to do what you need to do and for her to finish school... since your both still building your careers - it's really quite important to finish your career goals and then move relationship wise... your relationship will grow with time, but your career will only grow if you put the time and effort into it now rather than later...

when doug and I first met - we were apart for at least the first 2-3 years... the thing that kept us going was talking everyday whether email or phone (cell phone plans are great now a days for that) and meeting every 3-6 months... we'd send photos back and forth and just keep that contact up as much as possible.. but we both knew we had to get our careers underway if we wanted a life together - and that's the decision you have to make...

if you really do have a great relationship with your gf - then she's not going to want you to put off your career until she's done with school - in fact, she'd probably want you to go do this job "because" she's still in school and because she wants what's best for you (for you to be happy).... she has to concentrate on school and while she's doing that, you can concentrate on this new job... when she's done - she can always meet you where you are or you can decide where to go from there....

unfortunately, some relationships do fall through the cracks, but then, even if you stay, it could turn disasterdly if you start ro resent your decision to stay or resent her for some reason or even regret your choices... the first thing you need to do is "do for yourself before you do for others"...because if you win, they win!!

good luck with your decision!! I'm sure you'll make the best choice for you!!

Kristie
 

Eagle

New Member
the other thing is it is easier to pull chocks and go now, when she still has a year to go, the first year at you new job, setting things up, getting settled and in general getting your act together, might just be easier since you are both busy. the other option is you wait and in a year you BOTH have to pick up and go somewhere to start,

I think it is better to have one settled and the other person come in. less stress
 

Mike Lewis

Shadow Administrator
Staff member
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I'm very certain we will probably get hitched after she is done and we start getting enough money to support ourselves.

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It sounds like the trust is there in your relationship, and that you are quite serious. And it sounds like you can start earning that money now while still focusing on your career.

[ QUOTE ]
We would hardly see each other at all, and I feel like that time apart will be a huge strain on our relationship. Also, since this right now is such a stressful time for her, I really want to be here for her.

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Depending on how busy you are now, you may not have time to see much of each other now. When I was getting my Master's degree, I didn't have much time to see my girlfriend (now my wife); even if you live in the same town, depending on how busy you are, you may not have much time for each other. The question is: would it be better to only see each other a weekend a month but having planned to have that weekend set aside and planned on to only see each other that weekend without being distracted by work, etc? My point is: because you live closer to your girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean you will see her more. It's the quality of the time, and not the quantity.

[ QUOTE ]
Am I a moron for thinking this way? Should I just take the job and hope for the best? I talked to my friends about it, and they keep saying "just take the job, you want to be a pilot." But a lot don't understand about the relationship factor. I just think it would be good to get some input from some pilots here who might have more life experience.

[/ QUOTE ]

They always say in the military, "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." (yeah, it makes me want to puke too.) But it is true.

Before making a decision, you guys need to discuss your future and make some plans. When I was discussing this with my wife when we first became serious, I made it clear that the decisions we were making were for "us" and not me.

Make sure that when you discuss it with your friends, they are the kind of friends who will tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts. I have friends who will tell me what I want to hear, but I have some real close friends who will tell me the TRUTH, even if it wasn't what I want to hear.

Any relationship is going to take a lot of work and have to deal with a lot of stress. Doug and Kristie have such a great relationship because they had to work so hard to have it.

Can you have both the relationship and the career? If you work hard at it. You need to be discussing this with her. Your question "Should I take this job and hope for the best?" can only be answered by you after you have had the discussion with her.

And just remember, stressful decisions will always be there in a relationship. If it isn't this one, don't worry; there are a lot more waiting down the road... And you'll likely encounter this same decision countless times throughout your career...
 

Kristie

Mama Bear....
Staff member
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"Out of sight, out of mind".

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I've gotta say that's only true if you don't have that strong of a bond with your SO...and the reason I say that is cuz of experience...

our pilots are always gone - but that doesn't mean we don't think of them 24/7 unless the relationship is having a tough time and our bonds are weak. granted, there are always times when your relationship is strong and there are times when the relationship is weak - it's how the relationship is built and what methods you use to keep the strength up when your apart...

so if your having troubles in your relationships - then the "out of sight/out of mind" theory becomes easier to do and easier to see happen....

there's always an extra 0.02 cents in there!
 

MQAAord

Scheherazade
Staff member
It can work if you both want it to. I spent almost two years commuting between 3 homes in 3 states (my family farm in WI where I legally lived, my apartment in ORD where I was based, and my then-boyfriend now-husband's place in IND) it was crazy, and I never spent more than a few days in any one city, especially since I was flying full months (70+ hours) at the time. But, my husband and I both understood that's the flying life, and we made the most of the time we did have together. Now we're married, and expecting our first baby in July. It takes a true commitment on BOTH people's part, but it can be done, and have a very happy ending!
 

Kristie

Mama Bear....
Staff member
Congratulations on the new little one!!

what will you be having - boy or girl and did you already pick out a name??
 

MQAAord

Scheherazade
Staff member
We're due on 23 July, and it's a boy. We're naming him Alexander Patrick. We'll be inducing sometime in July so we can work with my husband's schedule and make sure he's actually in town when the big moment happens. I don't want him to be on a trip! (Gee, for some reason I just don't trust Delta management to help him get home) Thankfully, family leave is federally protected, and he'll be able to spend a couple weeks with me/us afterwards! We're very scared/excited/terrified all at the same time
 

Hootie

Old Skool
I'm young myself so the expected answer for someone who is in our age group is "no way man,live, have fun". But in my opinion, if it is really as solid as you feel, then I would say stay with her. I doubt your going to be making any more money with this job than a 40 hour a week job where your at now. So with that not being an issue, what would you rather have when you are 60 looking back. Her, or an extra 500 hours of duel given in your logbook?
 

EatSleepFly

Well-Known Member
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So with that not being an issue, what would you rather have when you are 60 looking back. Her, or an extra 500 hours of duel given in your logbook?

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Thats a good point!
 

speedman

New Member
just a stab in the dark but is there anyway you could fly every now and then to see her? You could see her and build flight time. I know you said far away but hey arent airplanes made to go far?
 

Grumpy

New Member
Since this thread started a month ago, this may be to late. After engagement my wife and I were across the country from each other for over a year.Letters and phone calls were all we had.

Next month will be 35 years of [sometimes wedded bliss].

The point being. Relationships can stand seperation. You just have to work at it, same as you do with anything else.

That 500 hrs dual may give you the advantage you need to progress.
 

IrishSheepdog

Sitting in the median
Forgot about this post! Yeah I ended up getting an AWESOME job sorta nearby to where I was living (2 hours away), but we ended up having a bit of an argument about my job arrangements and schedule, and I could see the writing on the wall. Obviously it was not going to work with me being a pilot, dating someone who complained incessantly about the schedule and overnights ("are you sure you won't sleep with the F/As?")

Too bad, because she was a nice gal. But when I decided to put my career first, it turned sour. Sorry, but I'm 22 and this is my life long dream!
Plenty of fish in the sea.
 

shooter13

New Member
Good for you Fly! I put my dreams on hold for a woman once. That didn't turnout so well. When things went south I swore as soon as my enlistment was up I was flying. She obviously wasn't "the one." The right one would have been able to get past all that stuff.
 

ready2fly

Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]
but we ended up having a bit of an argument about my job arrangements and schedule, and I could see the writing on the wall. Obviously it was not going to work with me being a pilot, dating someone who complained incessantly about the schedule and overnights ("are you sure you won't sleep with the F/As?")

[/ QUOTE ]

So..... does that change your answer to the "sleeping with the F/A's" question??


KIDDING!!
 

C650CPT

Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]

Too bad, because she was a nice gal. But when I decided to put my career first, it turned sour. Sorry, but I'm 22 and this is my life long dream!
Plenty of fish in the sea.


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FlyChicaga
We all go through this, its just your turn. Keep the faith and you are wise to realize this "problem" early.
 

IrishSheepdog

Sitting in the median
Absolutely. I'm not too worried. I'm probably going out this weekend with some F/As anyways.
No really I am. Haha

But no it doesn't change the answer to the question! haha
 

Athena

New Member
It will take a special partner to be able to be happy with relationship where you are gone alot of the time. I would suggest finding someone who is very independant. Maybe that is not the right word. Moreless, someone who is gonna enjoy time with you when you are there and be relieved to have their alone time when you are gone. Even though i am not flying yet, that is how may relationship is. We wouldn't have it any other way.
 
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