No readily-available, legal source of raw meat was within walking distance. Substituted a cheap frozen pizza.
No fine microbrew available. Experimenter substituted Lone Star.
Shade was substituted for a mountain view.
Experimenter is apparently acquiring lawn furniture on the installment plan.
Pants were tested in both configurations.
Actually, I had been wondering how this would work for a while. Turns out: pretty well! Henceforth, the term "cheap frozen" shall be supplanted by "artisan" because it successfully acquired a nice mesquite flavor and a crispy crust.
In conclusion, thick-crust pizza is for dummies. QED.