Concerned

SkyGirl

New Member
Hey,

I am a bit concerned about one of my flying buddies, who is a commercial pilot / CFI. Over the past few months she has done some crazy things and recently it has become hard to ignore. I am not sure if her behavior is triggered by anxiety / nervous stressors or if she has a pyschosis of some sort. I am concerned that she is avoiding going to the doctor because of the career ramifications. To complicate things, last week she moved across the country, so now no one knows her situation and she has a clean slate. I dont know what position Im in to do something. What would you do? How can I help before something goes wrong? Im open to all opinions and suggestions.
 

TheWife

New Member
Well if it were me I would email or call her and be open and honest and tell her you want to know if everything is going ok for her and if she has anything she wants to talk about. I know that when I feel out of control with my future, I tend to be more careless in my behaviour. Perhaps there is something you could help her work through. If she isn't picking up on where you are going with the conversation, tell her flat out that you are worried about her recent lack of caution and don't want to see her get hurt or hurt anyone else. Maybe she is doing it intenionally to sabatoge her future because she is scared of failing? Or maybe she is just way out of focus and needs to take a week off to herself and regroup with a better outlook. Whatever you do, I do think you need to do SOMETHING. And if you feel like she isn't listening and she is jeopordizing someone's safety then I would see about referring her to someone for help. Perhaps you could find a way to talk to her family members as well and do everything that can be done off record, but if it's severe enough take as far as it needs to go, even if it means jeopordizing her future.
 

MikeD

Administrator
Staff member
[ QUOTE ]
Hey,

I am a bit concerned about one of my flying buddies, who is a commercial pilot / CFI. Over the past few months she has done some crazy things and recently it has become hard to ignore. I am not sure if her behavior is triggered by anxiety / nervous stressors or if she has a pyschosis of some sort. I am concerned that she is avoiding going to the doctor because of the career ramifications. To complicate things, last week she moved across the country, so now no one knows her situation and she has a clean slate. I dont know what position Im in to do something. What would you do? How can I help before something goes wrong? Im open to all opinions and suggestions.



[/ QUOTE ]

What kind of crazy things, out of curiousity?
 

SkyGirl

New Member
Sorry for not explaining myself completely, but Im not sure what to and not to say. Ill try to answer as best I can without betraying her trust.

TheWife - I have tried confronting her several times and even tried the 'I don't like how you make me feel / things seem strange to me' approach. She has alienated almost everyone, save for myself and a few random students. All of us are concerned and I seem to be the only one with whom she has a decent relationship (until last week). She thinks her family has abandoned her and her boyfriend has washed his hands of her. I dont want to alienate her and make her think Im a bad guy too. When she was still in NJ, I tried my hardest to help out - created work for her (she abandoned instructing a few months ago), housed her for awhile and such. That seemed to be buying time and allowing her to deal with whatever was upsetting her, but now that she is across the country no one is around to pick up the pieces. I realize she is an adult and Im not her family, but at the same time I am a friend who is aware of her behavior/situation and I dont want to see her or anyone else to get hurt. Im scared she'll get involved in flying again and that cannot be good. Perhaps she has no serious pyschosis and she is just in need of a vacation, but at the moment as a pilot I know she is violating the FAR regarding self-grounding yourself if you are not at your best for flying. Hence, my plea for help here. She has an extensive career in aviation that I dont want to ruin (Her being a bit older than me also makes this a sticky situation). Can I put a red flag on her license or medical that would require her to have an evaluation?

MikeD - As far as crazy things, think along the lines of t.v. drama...delusions, paranoia, irrational thoughts, disregard for authority, lack of responsibility, blatant lying et al. On one visit to her apartment I knocked on the door and subsequently some glass shattered. Apparently, she had installed a new security system ala Conspiracy Theory. She had a beer bottle balancing on the door knob so she would be fore warned of any visitors. The scary part is that she thinks this behavior is completely normal and that the rest of the world is acting so strange.

Sorry for the long rambling response, but I dont know how to express myself effectively in this situation. At this point, Im gonna rest my fingers and stop saying 'her' so much.
 

naunga

New Member
SkyGirl,

In reading your responses I believe in my heart that your friend is in dire need of some help.

In my limited opinion it sounds like she might have either experienced some sort of traumatic event in her life that is bubbling to the surface or that she might be experiencing some sort of psychotic break.

No matter what the cause she needs to get some help. Thankfully for her she has a caring compassionate friend like you. Although I would venture to guess that should you do anything drastic she might not appreciate it until further down the road.

I don't know of anything in the FAR's that would cause her to need an evaluation before she flew again, you could call the local FSDO and report the situation to them, but from what you said you're trying to avoid that route.

It's a tough situation you're in, and as I see it you have a tough decision to make: Do you do something drastic gounding her and possibly ruining her aviation career? Or do you allow her to keep flying and pray that nothing happens?

Personally, I'd risk her career and the temporary rift in my friendship that can be mended later, over having to live with the regret of do doing enough and losing a friend forever.

Good luck and god bless.

Naunga
 
Skygirl,
At first, it sounded like maybe she was suffering from a severe case of depression (thinking that your family and friends don't love you, distancing yourself from others....etc.). That was before you explained her actions though. I hate to even bring it up, but maybe, just maybe she is struggling with an addiction or something and owes someone money hence the beer bottle trick and the sudden cross country move. I am not implying this, I am just saying that you have to look at every possibility here. I have a cousin that showed some of the same symptoms. She dropped off the face of the earth. Her responsibilities meant nothing to her. Her family didn't mean sh** anymore. Turned out she was addicted to Crystal Meth. Again, I really don't want to offend you, it is just something I think you should consider. While I think some drugs should be legalized, some shouldn't. No one is immune to their grips. Trust me, I have seen it firsthand.

In any case, you should get her some help. She might not realize it now, but she is lucky for having a friend as concerned as you are. I say if it takes jeopardizing her career to save her life, that is a good tradeoff. A damn good tradeoff. Please, for her sake and for the sake of your conscience, get that girl some help. Maybe you should consider contacting a Psychologist or something and consulting with them. I'm sure that one would be happy to talk (off hours) and not charge you when you tell them your friend's plight.

I hope everything goes well for you and your friend, You both will be in my prayers.
 

SkyGirl

New Member
[ QUOTE ]
Is she hot?



[/ QUOTE ]

Thats a matter of opinion...but at this point she's definately single.
 

CaptainHook

New Member
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is she hot?



[/ QUOTE ]

Thats a matter of opinion...but at this point she's definately single.

[/ QUOTE ]


Hook me up!!!!!
 

TheWife

New Member
[ QUOTE ]
Hook me up!!!!

[/ QUOTE ] Ya, know Capie, Sky girl is available too AND lives closer to you. Are YOU good looking?
 

CaptainHook

New Member
[ QUOTE ]
Ya, know Capie, Sky girl is available too AND lives closer to you. Are YOU good looking?


[/ QUOTE ]

Ofcourse I'm good looking.
... Check me out in the next GQ magazine!! LoL
 

SkyGirl

New Member
Im still single, but also still concerned.

I hope the change in topic gets my original post more attention (and replies).
 

ready2fly

Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]
I am a bit concerned about one of my flying buddies, who is a commercial pilot / CFI. Over the past few months she has done some crazy things and recently it has become hard to ignore. I am not sure if her behavior is triggered by anxiety / nervous stressors or if she has a pyschosis of some sort. I am concerned that she is avoiding going to the doctor because of the career ramifications. To complicate things, last week she moved across the country, so now no one knows her situation and she has a clean slate. I dont know what position Im in to do something. What would you do? How can I help before something goes wrong? Im open to all opinions and suggestions.


[/ QUOTE ]
The best thing that you can do as a friend is to say something the next time you get a chance.

Some of the behavior you mentioned in your subsequent post reminds me of the girl my best friend married. She had some serious issues from her past that surfaced and needed (and still need) professional help to get under control.

If you do get a hold of your friend - don't beat around the bush. Tell her to seek help... now. It's for her own good and for the good of those she may transport one day.

Best of luck!

R2F
 

aloft

New Member
[ QUOTE ]
New Jersey for you


[/ QUOTE ]Hey SkyGirl...where in NJ? The pic in my avatar was taken in northern NJ/Jersey Shore in front of a semi-famous convenience store....
 
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