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Do any of you pick a fight before you leave on a trip...

Discussion in 'Family Life' started by colleenb24, Oct 15, 2011.

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  1. exneophyte Well-Known Member

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    Is it possible that you are somewhat resentful over having to "run the house" and not realizing it. Generally an argument takes two people to make.
    exneophyte, Oct 16, 2011
    #21

  2. colleenb24 New Member

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    "Is it possible that you are somewhat resentful over having to "run the house" and not realizing it?" I don't argue, although I know this is sometimes what he wants. I hate confrontation!
    Not at all, this has been my job for the past 22 years. I am "Susie homemaker!" Except maybe I am not too great at keeping things organized. Clean but maybe a little cluttered. (ADD)
    Our girls are now both off at college, so he may be resentful I am not working. (I was hired at Alaska Airlines as a flight attendant in May and was in training/working in SEA until Aug. 1st when I got let go after that sketchy check ride. ) I'm sure things will improve once I am contributing financially again. He is very pessimistic about a new contract at US Airways...keeps telling me we may soon be living in a trailor in the middle of the desert without air-conditioning.
    Nice to hear others realize this happens...
    colleenb24, Oct 16, 2011
    #22

  3. MikeD Administrator

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    Sometimes, there are people who have personality issues and negative personality traits that are toxic. No rhyme or reason and no way to repair it. You can't fix these people. They are what they are. Best thing is to stay clear of them and not get involved with them, lest you get dragged into their self-licking ice cream cone of emotional hell.
    MikeD, Oct 16, 2011
    #23

  4. IrishSheepdog Neighborhood Watch

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    When I was a pilot, no matter what happened the day of, before, or two days before a trip, I always made sure I kissed my wife (girlfriend at the time) goodbye. I never wanted to leave on a trip knowing the last contact we had with each other was a big fight.

    Now, as a police officer, I do the same thing. When I was working midnights, we might have a fight at 8PM, but at 11PM I was waking her up to kiss her goodbye. Now on days, we might go to bed angry, but I wake up and kiss her goodbye. It may be morbid, but I don't want something to happen, and have my wife's last memory of us together being an argument. That hasn't changed in either career.

    I think you guys need to have a serious discussion about what's going on. Bring up your concerns to him. Nobody who supposedly loves each other should go away for days on end being mad at one another.
    IrishSheepdog, Oct 17, 2011
    #24

  5. BEEF SUPREME Well-Known Member

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    And this people, is looking at the big picture.
    BEEF SUPREME, Oct 17, 2011
    #25

  6. RICHARD5 Well-Known Member

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    The day he leaves quietly and you are uncaring to see him go would be worse. Right now you obviously care for each other. The fighting is just a negative expression of that. It doesn't matter who starts it because you both engage in this behavior. It's all fear based. I suggest some counseling to learn appropriate behaviors to express your fears. It should be joint counseling.

    However, what hasn't been said is if you have sat down to talk about the dynamics of an impending departure. I mean, you've identified this as undesireable yet it is unclear if you've talked about it.
    RICHARD5, Oct 17, 2011
    #26

  7. Derg Major Domo

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    I'm not superstitious, except for not fighting before a flight. Hell, I made a cellphone call from India once even!
    Derg, Oct 18, 2011
    #27

  8. moxiepilot Well-Known Member

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    colleen, it can be this way in our household sometimes. It's unintentional with us, but Danielle gets a little prickly before I head out the door for a month to 3 months on the road. It's not a trust issue, for us it just comes down to not wanting to be apart for that long since we like it when we're together.

    It's frusterating for me because before I go I want to spend some extra cuddly time with Danielle and getting prickly diminishes the mood substantially. For us I just think it's her way of dealing with the situation. I just bear in mind her feelings and try to get past my own so that we enjoy the time together that we have. Long deployments are never fun, but there is little I can do about it at this time.

    best of luck
    moxiepilot, Oct 19, 2011
    #28
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