Worst day of my life.....

darrenf · March 18th, 2008, 09:36

Sorry I haven't been around lately, (actually that probably made some of you happy

).

Saturday, I witnessed my fledgling motorcycle riding girlfriend go straight into a guardrail at roughly 30 mph. I was right behind her on my bike and saw the whole thing, which I have now replayed in my mind 100's of times. This happened Saturday about 4pm, and we spent the next 8 hours in the hospital emergency room. When I stopped my bike and ran over to her, she had no idea where she was, and just like she never listens to me, she refused to sit still. What impressed me the most is that she was able to get up, as I was sure after seeing her hit that her right leg would be shattered as it was surely crushed between the guard rail and the bike. I also distinctly saw her (fortunately helmeted) head bounce off the pavement as she departed the bike after the impact with the rail. After getting her off to the side of the road, and quickly assessing her, I raced back home and was back with my car in less than 3 minutes. She was more aware of her surroundings at this point, not bleeding anywhere (incredible) and we were off to the hospital. After hours of X-rays and cat scans it was determined that she has a concussion, whiplash, and contusions to her shoulder, elbow and hip, all on her right side. She has a 4 inch bruise on her hip where it contacted the railing, and a 1 1/2 inch bit of road rash on her elbow. I cannot believe how lucky she is, as having seen the impact I thought she was much worse off.

This entire incident was my fault as I was teaching her to ride, and I got so caught up in her enthusiasm and progress,that I stopped being her instructor and became her boyfriend again. She had gone around this same corner like a pro twice before each time she encountered it that day, and that lulled us both into a false sense of security. I can understand that happening to her, but I can't forgive myself for the lapse of judgement on my part. I know better, but forgot my role, and she paid the price for it, fortunately not with her life. We got back home about midnight that night, and the past few days have been excruciating for her, and tiresome for me, as I have not only taken on the role of her caretaker, as she is unable to even dress herself at this point (you know, taking her pants off used to be so much more fun), but I have been feeling terrible guilt at letting this happen to her. For a little bit, I actually thought of giving up riding myself, but on Sunday she wanted to know how soon we could have her bike repaired and she wanted to get back on it. I still have second thoughts, as the image of her hitting the rail has been played over in my mind so many times, and actually on Saturday night, after she was asleep, I cried myself to sleep at not only the thought of how close I came to losing her, but the fact that it was my fault she was in the pain she was. I was so damn stupid, and I know better. In hindsight, I see a million things I did wrong that day, the most of which was allowing myself to think that I could separate my emotion and instruct her on riding. What caught me by surprise was the fact that she was doing so well, I got caught up in her enthusiasm and allowed her to dictate her progress, when she pushed for a more challenging lesson, I allowed it when she clearly wasn't ready. Even more clearly now, is that I wasn't ready. She blames herself for this as she feels she got over confident. But the truth is, I am the one with the experience, and I ALLOWED her to get over confident, and had not yet prepared her for what she encountered.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

BobDDuck · March 18th, 2008, 09:46

First off, glad she's ok. I know many, many people ride bikes safely, but I only half jokingly refer to bikers as organ donors.

Second, I don't know how much "teaching" goes into instructing somebody how to ride. If it's a lot, you may want to find somebody else to teach her and then you can go back to being her better half while you are riding. Same reason I wouldn't teach a loved one how to fly. I would be happy to work on technique or specifics, but not the whole thing. It's too fine of a line to take. I know people that have done it (and good for them) but it's not something I want to attempt.

Maybe once you distance yourself from the accident a bit, and the visuals fade from your head, you will be more comfortable with the whole thing, and I'm guessing rather impressed that she wants to get back out again.

Again, I'm glad it wasn't more serious.

ComplexHiAv8r · March 18th, 2008, 09:58

Sorry to hear about this, but also VERY glad that she is going to be ok. Good for her to want to get back on.

For now, take care of her!

darrenf · March 18th, 2008, 10:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by BobDDuck

First off, glad she's ok. I know many, many people ride bikes safely, but I only half jokingly refer to bikers as organ donors.

Second, I don't know how much "teaching" goes into instructing somebody how to ride. If it's a lot, you may want to find somebody else to teach her and then you can go back to being her better half while you are riding. Same reason I wouldn't teach a loved one how to fly. I would be happy to work on technique or specifics, but not the whole thing. It's too fine of a line to take. I know people that have done it (and good for them) but it's not something I want to attempt.

Maybe once you distance yourself from the accident a bit, and the visuals fade from your head, you will be more comfortable with the whole thing, and I'm guessing rather impressed that she wants to get back out again.

Again, I'm glad it wasn't more serious.

She will be taking the MSF course nearby, but for some reason they are not starting it this year until May 23rd. She was champing at the bit to get riding, and I thought we could at least do some riding to get her started. Like I said, many bad decisions on my part. We should have just waited. I think her and I will both have this put behind us once she is a competent rider and we are happily trudging along.

Qgar · March 18th, 2008, 10:02

WOW, Darren. I am so sorry to hear what happened.

Thankfully, she wasn't more seriously hurt. Hopefully, you can rid yourself of the incredible guilt you're feeling and help her make a full recovery. I can't even imagine witnessing such a horrific accident and hope you can focus on her recovery. We're there for you...please keep us posted.

flyguy969 · March 18th, 2008, 10:04

I lived in Philadelphia for my whole life and grew up with motorcycles so I can appreciate how fun they can be. One thing I did was when I got my street bike was to take the Safety Course that PA provides. When you get your permit part of the money goes toward the program so whether you take the course or not you are a paying for it. Now, even though I had been around bikes my whole life I still learned a few key items. You also get an insurance discount once you receive your certificate. I am not sure if NJ offers something like that but I think it would be a great investment for your g/f. I had the unfortunate luck of watching someone wreck on my bike at 90mph. Most of his skin was gone but the helmet saved his life so i REALLY feel for you and what you saw. Its good so hear things did not end worse.

darrenf · March 18th, 2008, 10:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyguy969

I lived in Philadelphia for my whole life and grew up with motorcycles so I can appreciate how fun they can be. One thing I did was when I got my street bike was to take the Safety Course that PA provides. When you get your permit part of the money goes toward the program so whether you take the course or not you are a paying for it. Now, even though I had been around bikes my whole life I still learned a few key items. You also get an insurance discount once you receive your certificate. I am not sure if NJ offers something like that but I think it would be a great investment for your g/f. I had the unfortunate luck of watching someone wreck on my bike at 90mph. Most of his skin was gone but the helmet saved his life so i REALLY feel for you and what you saw. Its good so hear things did not end worse.

She is signed up for the MSF course, but neither of us could wait that long to get out there and ride. The enthusiasm overrode the responsible side on both our parts. But being the experienced one, I should have known better.

Once we are both happily riding again this summer, this will be a memory. Hopefully, she will not be feeling the ill effects of her whiplash by then.

Cruise · March 18th, 2008, 10:13

Darren....sorry to hear about that happening. Glad to hear she wasn't more seriously injured! As a former Prosthetist (prosthetics--artificial limbs), I have seen first hand, on too many occasions, what riding motorcycles can do to a person....guess it would be more accurate to say 'what crashing on a motorcycle' can do. Let's just say it ain't pretty.

There are two types of motorcycle riders: those that have been down.....and those that are going down.

I'm sure it's very liberating to ride a motorcycle......but, it just isn't worth the risk involved, IMO. Good luck to both of you in your future rides.

darrenf · March 18th, 2008, 10:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cruise

I'm sure it's very liberating to ride a motorcycle......but, it just isn't worth the risk involved, IMO. Good luck to both of you in your future rides.

I have plenty of friends in the medical field who refer to them as donorcycles. And, I was thinking for a while that it is just not worth the risk. But the type of riding I enjoy the most, is also the least risky. I love the charity rides, where the police escort us and close any intersection we encounter to allow us to safely pass as a group. We get to contribute to a cause, have fun riding, and stay safe while doing it. A win-win-win. Unfortunately, the act of acquiring the skills to ride in a group like that is very dangerous. And they do not have duel-control bikes to make learning safer.

blee256 · March 18th, 2008, 10:28

darren, after reading your post I was going to suggest the Safety course, But I see you have her signed up already. I don't think there is anything wrong in yours and her excitement on getting on the bike before hand. You wanted to give her headstart and I think almost everyone in your position would've done the same. Its just an unfortunate accident, thankfully she is fine. The guilt will hopefully go away.Just give it some time.

I will say this, you've got a great girl on your hands. She wanted to learn to ride. Got hurt pretty seriously, and now she wants to get right back on. I think that say a lot about her character, and her dedication.

darrenf · March 18th, 2008, 10:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by blee256

I will say this, you've got a great girl on your hands. She wanted to learn to ride. Got hurt pretty seriously, and now she wants to get right back on. I think that say a lot about her character, and her dedication.

If I let her read this she will need a bigger helmet.

Thanks for your kind words.

BobDDuck · March 18th, 2008, 10:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cruise

As a former Prosthetist (prosthetics--artificial limbs)

Wait, you're saying you used to have an artificial limb and it grew back so now you don't?

Seriously, I didn't know that... Cool.

</7500>

jjm · March 18th, 2008, 10:42

yikes. Good luck to both of you- that was courageous to share something personal like that. I hope she can do that class and keep in mind that when she gets back on the bike, she might be a little gun-shy for awhile-- so it will be great to do the MSF course (especially if she tells the Instructor what happened so he/she can help build her confidence back up).
Working through this will only make your relationship stronger. Good luck to you-- that post was a little spooky.

mpenguin1 · March 18th, 2008, 10:47

Darren

Sorry dude, hope she gets better soon, but, not to worry, she will make you feel guilty about the accident for the rest of your life

Cruise · March 18th, 2008, 12:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by BobDDuck

Wait, you're saying you used to have an artificial limb and it grew back so now you don't?

Seriously, I didn't know that... Cool.

</7500>

Yep, I'm the bionic man!

MQAAord · March 18th, 2008, 12:42

Darren, I'm sorry such an awful accident happened.

Please try to keep in mind what happened was an ACCIDENT. It was not your fault. Your feelings are totally understandable, but there is inherent danger in pretty much everything we do in life. I think the class is a wonderful idea, and I'm glad you guys will be going.

Personally, I don't choose to ride a motorcycle, but I support the right to for those who do want to.

SoCalAprch · March 18th, 2008, 13:10

Motorcycles scare the crap out of me. I had a buddy lose his leg in an accident. Its not that I wouldn't trust myself on a bike but here in So Cal its the crazy drivers you don't trust. My buddy was cruising down I-5 in San Diego in the fast lane going with traffic and a mini van crossed two lanes of traffic and hit him. He went into the guard rail and really messed himself up and got a chair he gets to push himself around in for the rest of his life. Be safe... And tell your chick to feel better!

Number1atNumber2 · March 18th, 2008, 13:50

Sorry to hear about this! I'm glad she's ok for the most part. Though I can't imagine how horrible you feel, you both will get through this, so TRY not to beat yourself up too much. I think its great you're taking as much responsibility for this as you are, and its awesome your girl wants to try again, but the accident is over now and you both have obviously learned a great deal from this. So don't let the guilt consume you.

FiveO · March 19th, 2008, 01:33

Crap Darren! I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm glad it was not worse than what it is. I really don't know what to say. Hope she gets better.

surreal1221 · March 19th, 2008, 09:34

Yikes Darren.

Sorry to hear about this man.

SIUAv8r · March 19th, 2008, 09:35

Glad to hear she's going to be OK! Everyone be careful out there.

inside0ut · March 19th, 2008, 12:52

Its good to hear that she is ok.

And thank god you guys were wearing helmets. I have seen wayyyyy to many people get messed up because they had to bail or lay down the bike and don't wear a helmet cause its uncomfortable or "they like to feel the wind in their hair." In PA they don't have a helmet law, but my friends and I always wear them when we ride.

WindyCityPilot · March 19th, 2008, 14:50

Glad to hear she wasn't hurt more seriously! Glad to hear she is going to take the MSF course. I help out at our local MSF courses and think it's a great thing to help new riders get some basic skills in a controlled environment.

As a side note and please don't take this the wrong way but I would highly recommend not moving a crash victim until paramedics arrive on the scene and determine it is safe to do so. Would hate for you to try to help out the crash victim and cause more injuries. Just because the person can move on their own does not mean they do not have neck or spine injuries that need to be immobilized.

Keep your spirits up and you guys will be back out riding again in no time!

SkyCougar · March 19th, 2008, 15:04

Darren, I'm so sorry about the accident, but am very happy to hear that she wasn't more seriously injured! It sounds like you're hurting too, and it's obvious that you care deeply for your girlfriend.

What a great boyfriend you must be! Don't be too hard on yourself, accidents happen. Give her lots of TLC - it will help you feel better as well!

darrenf · March 19th, 2008, 15:51

Thank you everyone for your kind words and concern.