Funniest thing you've heard on the radio? (Stolen from FI)

[Chris_Ford]

Since it's the one time of year when everyone always get so stressed out, I figured I'd steal a thread from flightinfo, one of the funniest reads in a while. But I want to hear what some of you guys have heard over the radio (not just limited to the airline folks).

When I was training for CFII at LAF, we had just landed, and a girl was cleared to land. She read back "cleared for the option" and it was never caught. So as she's taking off, LAF TWR says "Whoa, what are you doing there, Purdue 8?" and she says "Uh I thought I was cleared for the option" LAF TWR responds, "Oh okay, well the only good surprise is no surprise, remain in left closed traffic." She proceeds to read back the entire thing... "Roger, the only good surprise is no surprise, left hand traffic, Purdue 8". It was pretty comical, especially if you happened to know the girl.

Of course, we all realize that none of us are immune, so if you have any personal messups (stuck mics, PA/ATC mixups, etc), it'd be great to hear.... My personal favorite from the thread over on the other site:

ORD Ground: "United XXX, if you hurry it up, you can beat Air Canada by A12."
United: "Roger"
Unknown voice: "U.S.A.!!!"

[triple7]

While sitting at DCA listening in and watching arrivals, an air canada crj was cleared to circle and land on runway 22( a somewhat dramatic maneuver) while an NW airbus went posit and hold on 19er. nw had a stuck mic. heres how it went:

tower: nw xxxx pos and hold 19
nw: roger position and hold 19....ok, ill wait on the pacs....ohhhhhh.,.....wow.....that looks like fun.....wwweeeeeeee.....( in response to canadas feisty maneuvering out over the potomac)
tower: nw xxxx, use caution, you had a stuck mic there, rwy 19 clear for takeoff.
tower: air canada.....any right turn, and was it as good for you as it was for northwest?


i guess you had to be there, but it was pretty funny.

[KBUF]

Not too long ago, I was riding in the back of a 172 watching my instructor teach chandelles, and the commercial student was having a lot of trouble on the radios (lots of stuttering, hard to understand).
Shortly after landing at BUF:

Tower: "Skyhawk, right turn onto runway 14, right on Quebec to the ramp...

Student (first clear transmission, and practically yelling): "NO, you mean 32!!"

Tower (pissed): "DOESN'T MATTER. MAKE TURNOFF NOW!" as student rolls past 14/32

Funnier if you actually heard the two

[I_Money]

Coming into land at SNA - kind of windy -

Tower - Cessna 6472P wind 240/10

Me - thanks for passing wind!

[genkukov]

A funny one I remember is when I was still training at a student at KALW. There happened to be a Piper Cub holding at the active.

Piper: There's a coyote running around on the runway.
Tower: Where is he in relation to you?
Piper: He ain't no relation of mine ma'am.
Tower (rather irritated): No, where is he compared to your airplane?
...and the rest was just normal radio.

-Kukov

[Mr_Creepy]

Originally Posted by genkukov

A funny one I remember is when I was still training at a student at KALW. There happened to be a Piper Cub holding at the active.

Piper: There's a coyote running around on the runway.
Tower: Where is he in relation to you?
Piper: He ain't no relation of mine ma'am.
Tower (rather irritated): No, where is he compared to your airplane?
...and the rest was just normal radio.

-Kukov

That's a good one

My favorite happened one night flying in to St. Croix (STX) in the "Piece of Shorts" for Eagle.

Me: San Juan approach Eagle 555 checking in with Charlie.
SJU: Roger, with Charlie
Me: What's Roger doing with Charlie?
Another Voice: And does Juliet know?
Still Another Voice: She's back at the Hotel with a Kilo
Still Yet Another Voice: She brought it back from India with some Whiskey
.
.
.

This went on through most of the alphabet.

[cmsuav8r]

This happened a couple months back when I was returning home from a trip to KC to get some bbq. We had some left over bbq so we put it in the baggage area of the 172 not thinking to make sure it wouldn't move. We decided to do some maneuvering on the way home and the bbq made a mess. We were with another plane that went up with us and we were talking to them on the radio thinking the dispatcher had left the airport already since it was after 9 and thats when it is supposed to close.

Us to the plane trailing us: "I think we've got a little problem, we had a bbq mishap"
Plane trailing us: "Who puked first?"
Us: "It was too close to call but it is all over the plane"
Plane trailing: "You all owe me 5 bucks!"
Dispatcher: "You owe me a clean plane and an explanation!"

[CAFFEINE]

I have a friend who always says information "Yank-me" instead of "Yankee." Also, whenever he is queried "How do you read" by ATC he replies "Loud and queer." Kinda funny the first time you hear it, but it gets kinda old.

[jrh]

One time while flying at 2:30 A.M. on a cross country, after the radios had been dead quiet for at least 5 or 10 minutes:

Center: American 234, Seattle Center.
American: Seattle Center, this is American 234, go ahead.
Center: What's a six-letter word for a city in Illinois, starts with the letter "M"?

[long pause]

American: Try "Moline"

[brief pause]

Center: Thanks.

Then the radios went silent for another 5 or 10 minutes.

[Mr_Creepy]

Originally Posted by jrh

One time while flying at 2:30 A.M. on a cross country, after the radios had been dead quiet for at least 5 or 10 minutes:

Center: American 234, Seattle Center.
American: Seattle Center, this is American 234, go ahead.
Center: What's a six-letter word for a city in Illinois, starts with the letter "M"?

[long pause]

American: Try "Moline"

[brief pause]

Center: Thanks.

Then the radios went silent for another 5 or 10 minutes.

LOL and it's illegal to read the paper

[slowandlow]

Airforce One make 360 and exit at golf.
AF1: I think we will just make a 180 thanks

[SteveC]

Originally Posted by Mr_Creepy

LOL and it's illegal to read the paper

...for the controller, too?

[caliginousface]

not really funny but it was cool to hear.

cessna 6SP caution wake turbulence on teh upwind, F-18

[asl]

ORD final approach heard listening in on the internet a year or so ago:

AALxxxx: O'Hare Tower, American xxxx, with you , visual to 4R.
ORD Tower: Amercan xxxx, you're number one, cleared to land 4R, roll to the end.
AALxxxx: We're the number one, cleared to land, Amercian xxxx.
UALxxx: Tower, Unitedxxx heavy, with you 4R.
ORD Tower: Unitedxxx heavy, runway 4R, number 2 following Fokker, cleared to land 4R.
UALxxx: That's cleared to land 4R behind the number 1 little mother fokker, Unitedxxx.

Hardly original, but you could just tell the United pilot had been waiting for years to get that line out!!

[Mr_Creepy]

Originally Posted by SteveC

...for the controller, too?

Whoops! SA!

[Stone Cold]

Scariest thing heard on the radio recently during the frontal system right after Christmas:

Indy Center: Comair XXX say altitude.

Comair: 3000'.

Indy Center: Comair, verify level 3000, you are showing 2000'; altimeter is 29.40".

Comair: lever 3000', say again altimeter, we have 30.40 in the box.

They discussed it for a few minutes, but the end result was the Comair flight had read back the wrong altimeter setting and Center didn't catch it. Either way, if there's a huge Low going through the area, make sure you have the correct altimeter setting. They were cleared for the approach about 2 minutes after this discussion with a Minimum Vectoring Altitude of 3000'. Just glad there were no tall towers in their path, as they were about 1000 AGL in that area.

Stay safe out there.

TX

[GSMPilot]

Originally Posted by genkukov

A funny one I remember is when I was still training at a student at KALW. There happened to be a Piper Cub holding at the active.

Piper: There's a coyote running around on the runway.
Tower: Where is he in relation to you?
Piper: He ain't no relation of mine ma'am.
Tower (rather irritated): No, where is he compared to your airplane?
...and the rest was just normal radio.

-Kukov

Had one similar to this out in Oklahoma once.

Me: Tower there's a bunch of geese west of the field right next to Alpha

Tower: Roger, I'll get my shotgun

[Timmypig]

Heard on Sydney RADAR a few years ago (made up the aircraft rego, can't remember it):

VH-ABC: "Sydney Cessna ABC Long Reef 1500 request direct Bankstown"
Sydney: "ABC we have heavy traffic going off 34L .... are you familiar with Chatswood?"
VH-ABC: "Sydney, affirmative I live there"
Sydney: "ABC cleared direct to Chatswood 1500 and orbit your house"
Unknown: "Say HI to mum!"