Lack of communication

[amjon]

Sorry to rant, but I am kind of frustrated right now. What is it about men that they can't open their mouth and talk about things? If something bothers you do you tell the person you are with or just let it continue to bother you until it is too late?

[Stone Cold]

I need some hard liquor for this question...did we date at one time???

[amjon]

Originally Posted by Stone Cold

I need some hard liquor for this question...did we date at one time???

[Doug Taylor]

Originally Posted by amjon

Sorry to rant, but I am kind of frustrated right now. What is it about men that they can't open their mouth and talk about things? If something bothers you do you tell the person you are with or just let it continue to bother you until it is too late?

Probably "depends".

Quite a few guys don't have the communication gene.

Question, and I'm not trying to pick on you or presume anything, but when (if?) he talks, do you listen without presumption of malice?

[fly22]

Its not that they arent opening their mouths, its that both sides aren't communicating how the other listens.

[mikecweb]

Originally Posted by amjon

Sorry to rant, but I am kind of frustrated right now. What is it about men that they can't open their mouth and talk about things? If something bothers you do you tell the person you are with or just let it continue to bother you until it is too late?

Sorry to rant, but I am ALSO kind of frustrated right now. What is it about women that they can't close their mouth and not talk about everything. If something bothers you why do you feel the need to whine to everyone that can hear your voice.

[amjon]

Originally Posted by Doug Taylor

Probably "depends".

Quite a few guys don't have the communication gene.

Question, and I'm not trying to pick on you or presume anything, but when (if?) he talks, do you listen without presumption of malice?

He wouldn't talk about anything that wasn't happy. If I asked him what was bothering him or what was wrong he would just sit and stare at me and say NOTHING until I changed the subject. I even told him to tell me if something bothered him. I really do listen to whoever I am with. I will try to fix the little things that I can that bother my partner.

[Stone Cold]

Originally Posted by amjon

He wouldn't talk about anything that wasn't happy. If I asked him what was bothering him or what was wrong he would just sit and stare at me and say NOTHING until I changed the subject. I even told him to tell me if something bothered him. I really do listen to whoever I am with. I will try to fix the little things that I can that bother my partner.

You "nagging" him about what was wrong was what was bothering him. It's a guy thing (at least in my case). Seriously, Daytona? Chicago? Dallas?

[amjon]

Originally Posted by Stone Cold

You "nagging" him about what was wrong was what was bothering him. It's a guy thing (at least in my case). Seriously, Daytona? Chicago? Dallas?

I don't know that I would consider asking what is bothering him and waiting for a response (sometimes a very long time) nagging. I know there may be times he doesn't want to talk about something that effects only him, but it was pretty obvious he didn't like something I was doing, but I don't know what it was. An ignored problem does not go away, but snowballs until it is too big to be solved. I don't know that a relationship can survive if a guy NEVER will talk about what is bothering him. I guess you kind of answered the question. Thanks!

[Stone Cold]

Originally Posted by amjon

I don't know that I would consider asking what is bothering him and waiting for a response (sometimes a very long time) nagging. I know there may be times he doesn't want to talk about something that effects only him, but it was pretty obvious he didn't like something I was doing, but I don't know what it was. An ignored problem does not go away, but snowballs until it is too big to be solved. I don't know that a relationship can survive if a guy NEVER will talk about what is bothering him. I guess you kind of answered the question. Thanks!

I did put the "nagging" part in quotations for a reason. Some guys, myself included, can get into moods where we just don't want to talk about whatever it is on our minds. I'm not saying it is right, or wrong, but a guy like myself is definitely wired differently than a female. I'm not into the touchy-feely, tell me what you are thinking type of thing.

My wife and I just celebrated our 7 year anniversary, so I wouldn't say your relationship is doomed...just respect his boundaries. If he gets "his time of month" like my wife refers to it, give him his space and he'll come around.

I hope you did not think I was calling you a nag or being harsh. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story, and not knowing both sides, none of us can provide you the guidance you are wanting. If you think it is a serious problem, maybe you should think about going to some counseling or talking to a mutual friend.

I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully everything works out to your benefit in the end...with that, time for bed. I go home tomorrow!!!

[amjon]

Originally Posted by Stone Cold

I did put the "nagging" part in quotations for a reason. Some guys, myself included, can get into moods where we just don't want to talk about whatever it is on our minds. I'm not saying it is right, or wrong, but a guy like myself is definitely wired differently than a female. I'm not into the touchy-feely, tell me what you are thinking type of thing.

My wife and I just celebrated our 7 year anniversary, so I wouldn't say your relationship is doomed...just respect his boundaries. If he gets "his time of month" like my wife refers to it, give him his space and he'll come around.

I hope you did not think I was calling you a nag or being harsh. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story, and not knowing both sides, none of us can provide you the guidance you are wanting. If you think it is a serious problem, maybe you should think about going to some counseling or talking to a mutual friend.

I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully everything works out to your benefit in the end...with that, time for bed. I go home tomorrow!!!

Thanks!
If it was an occasional thing and he talked later it wouldn't bother me, but this is always. He never wants to talk about. I kind of found it odd that we never disagreed about anything.

[Doug Taylor]

Originally Posted by amjon

He wouldn't talk about anything that wasn't happy. If I asked him what was bothering him or what was wrong he would just sit and stare at me and say NOTHING until I changed the subject. I even told him to tell me if something bothered him. I really do listen to whoever I am with. I will try to fix the little things that I can that bother my partner.

I know if something was bothering me and I wasn't talking about it, I'd really appreciate a "seems like something's bothering you. When and if you want to talk to me about it, let me know."

[Stone Cold]

Originally Posted by amjon

Thanks!
If it was an occasional thing and he talked later it wouldn't bother me, but this is always. He never wants to talk about. I kind of found it odd that we never disagreed about anything.

Last question, and then I really am off to bed...how much younger than you is he? Let me guess...18-20 years old???

If I'm wrong, then I don't have an answer for you. If I'm right, then it sounds like he's a little on the immature side still...eventually he has to talk to you if the relationship is to work. Give him time, and if he doesn't open up, maybe you need to evaluate where you go from here!!

Good luck!!! Relationships are great and suck at the same time until you figure each other out.

[amjon]

Originally Posted by Stone Cold

Last question, and then I really am off to bed...how much younger than you is he? Let me guess...18-20 years old???

If I'm wrong, then I don't have an answer for you. If I'm right, then it sounds like he's a little on the immature side still...eventually he has to talk to you if the relationship is to work. Give him time, and if he doesn't open up, maybe you need to evaluate where you go from here!!

Good luck!!! Relationships are great and suck at the same time until you figure each other out.

Nope, I wouldn't date anyone less than 25 (and that is probably pushing it). He is 28, so just slightly younger than me (30).

[29.92inHg]

just let it go for a day or so, and see if he gets over it or starts talking, and then if it is still bothering you all you can do is tell him how you are feeling (a couple beers might help, I stress a couple, too many is BAAAD). If it goes until it is really 'too late", then he is probably not the right one. That's all I have, for what its worth. Good luck!!!

[Rontux]

Originally Posted by amjon

Sorry to rant, but I am kind of frustrated right now. What is it about men that they can't open their mouth and talk about things? If something bothers you do you tell the person you are with or just let it continue to bother you until it is too late?

Most men do not know how to communicate, and/or, they do, but they fail to due to making themselves vulnerable. Likewise, most girls can get overly emotional. Of course there are no hard and fast rules. I am very emotional guy. To each his own. No doubt though, communication is the single most important skill in life. No question. If someone doesn't have it down, it can lead to a very rough road.