girlfriend issues

[N8081G]

Originally Posted by gomntwins

Hey, I'm not one to really talk about my personal life... but I'm in a bad position at the moment with my longterm girlfriend. I'm looking for any advice.

My situation: I fly freight and live in a town that's 350 miles away from my g/f. She's in grad school at the moment working on her PhD... we've been doing this for about 2 years now. Prior to this we'd lived together for years. Amazingly we went for the first year and a half of living 300 miles apart without any large issues. It's been really nice actually-- she proved to me that we'd actually work together with me being a pilot. She's extremely independent and has proven that above and beyond. We ran into some issues about 6 months ago, worked through those... and hit a rough patch about a month and a half ago where she actually 'broke' up with me. She wasn't sure if we were right for one another. Weird deal actually-- we were talking about engagement rings on Sunday, everything sounded ok on wed., thurs. I new something was wrong... Friday and it was supposedly done. Within three weeks, with a lot of convincing... and more new clothes than I've bought in years... I talked her into dinner. Dinner went very well, we essentially got back together. Everything has been a little weird... but I've went out of my way to make sure everything's been as perfect as possible-- I made the trek on weekends... and did my best to have wonderful dates. It went well. Things would be great on saturday/sunday after the first 30 minutes of awkward... I'd head home sunday, talk with her throughout the week... and by the end of the week you could hear her having doubts (the distance is killing me at the moment I think). She didn't want me to come this weekend because of school work... she just called me (sunday night) and says she wants to take a 'break'.

My questions: First off, I don't know what a break is... anybody? Also, where should I go from here? She wasn't as negative about us this time around... but it's not positive. She already has agreed to meet me from dinner in a couple weeks. I'm fairly confident I can convince her back. Any ideas on how to prove myself? She knows I love her... she knows how hard I'm trying... but she doesn't know if we're right. This has been a fairly problem free relationship for a long time-- but not anymore. I'm giving her what she wants... I'm not acting all stalker or anything... I gave her space last time around... but did my best to stay in her life-- calling every few days, etc. It worked-- although not really. Any ideas? I'm really confused. Where should I go from here?

I just want to give my advice on this. You are in a tough spot, especially after investing so many years of your life into this one woman and now she is having second thoughts about the two of you. Tough man. In my opinion and experiences, when woman says she needs a "break" it means the following things..

1. She is losing her attraction for you.

2. You're not the man she once fell in "love" with.

3. She is probably seeing someone else.

4. There is a 95% chance the relationship will be over.

You, my friend, are doing all the wrong things by TRYING to CONVINCE her to stay with you. Come on dude, you cannot make or convince someone to be with you. It makes you look as if she is the only thing in your life and you have nothing else going for you. A woman often finds it attractive when a man has more to his life than just her, trust me on this. I honestly don't think that the distance has anything to do with it. My guess is during the period of time she most likely started seeing someone else while at the sametime the two of you were having difficulties in the relationship. Her making excuses not to come because of school work is all an act and the more she pushes you off, the more you try to win her back. Keep away from her for now, let her know you have other important activities in your life besides proving your love to her..lol. Ignore her for a while and when you guys do talk, dont forget to mention that you are having fun and there are lots of girls out there who you are hanging out with. Just make sure it is true!! Goodluck!

[Doug Taylor]

And THANK YOU for keeping it civil, folks!

I was quite paranoid it was going to devolve into something misogynistic but I was wrong and I apologize.

[Maximillian_Jenius]

Originally Posted by Doug Taylor

And THANK YOU for keeping it civil, folks!

I was quite paranoid it was going to devolve into something misogynistic but I was wrong and I apologize.

Pilots hate women? News to me!

[N8081G]

Originally Posted by Doug Taylor

And THANK YOU for keeping it civil, folks!

I was quite paranoid it was going to devolve into something misogynistic but I was wrong and I apologize.

Hey now, i don't hate women. I think they are the best thing after slice bread.

[SmoothLanderJ]

Originally Posted by N8081G

Hey now, i don't hate women. I think they are the best thing after slice bread.

Uh...sometimes...better yet i'd say most of the time. Certainly not ALL THE TIME. I'm sure they feel the same about us...

[ladder360]

Heh. Reading this thread reminded me of being in a somewhat similar situation a little over a year ago. It was the first time I'd been really wrapped in a girl in a long time - up until then, I'd been pretty apathetic about relationships or "feelings". At the time, many of my friends had said "dude, let it go. Bad relationship." But after saying this once or twice with me not heeding them, they just shut up and didn't say anything. Other friends didn't say anything at all as to not rock the boat. It took a few months for me to get over it, but once I did - I found my old self again.

I pretty much agree with all those who posted here. I'm adding my .02 to give everyone who responded props for supporting you. That support system (from people who generally don't know you and aren't afraid to really say what they mean, but care) is huge!

Keep your head high bro!!

[Velocipede]

To paraphrase Bonnie Raitt:

You can't make someone love you if they don't.