We are a online community of professional pilots, student pilots, dispatchers, air traffic controllers, flight surgeons and other folks with a high interest in the world of aviation.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.
I'm 34 and single now for the last 10 months. This is now the longest I ever been single (last record was around 9 months back in 2002/2003)! I moved to Georgia in August last year and settled in downtown Atlanta in October in order to accomplish my goal. The goal was to slowly wind down my long time business which offered a lot of money but I never enjoyed. The business was purely used to get me the money to become 100% debt free and save up enough money in cash to live on for 2 years and pay for the majority if not all of my flight training. A well thought out plan for a career changer to pursue his childhood dream of becoming a professional pilot.
And here I am now. First step of the mission accomplished. The business should be fully dissolved come the Fall. And I still have over a year of money left to live on in the bank and 80% of flight training was paid for with cash (after all, I need some kind of debt just so the credit people know I exist, so the small SLM loan does the trick as it's not that material to me since it's so small and the only debt I have). And by that time my business wraps up, I should also be entering the ranks of a new CFI. So the goal is almost completed after many many years of working to get here...
So that's all good. And to me shows a huge level of responsibility, good judgement in career planning, and being proud to be one of the few in the world that is pursuing their life long passion and not being stuck in something they do not enjoy. I believe that means I have a lot to offer someone else too. Here is the challenge I come across:
In the past, it's always been easy to find a girlfriend. We'd date for a couple days and quickly it would develop into a great committed long-term relationship. I rarely had a date not turn into a substantial relationship in the past (hence why I really never dated since good things just developed from the get go). My history is the majority of the time things lasted from 1 year to 7 years historically. Only two relationships were shorter than that and up until 10 months ago I only had a couple one night miscommunication. And the majority of the time all my relationships ended when I had to relocate to a new city for my past career situation since my girlfriend at the time always was tied to the area we met. So understandable. I chose the money path which would get me into a cockpit eventually over that relationship by my own choice.
But here is where I am now. In Atlanta, I have met several women so far. We go out for a night and have had great time. Sometimes even a second night, so long as career was not talked about the first night. Within the first night or two out in every case career conversation comes up. Upon them finding out I am going to be a Professional Pilot, the date is pretty much over. They seem to have a bad image of pilots.
Here are examples from over the last 6 months I faced:
* One told me her father was a pilot and she would never have a relationship with a pilot because of that (end that date).
* Another tells me she will not date the 3 P's because her and her friends believe they all lie and cheat (Politiicians, Police, and Pilots). Okay, that made me laugh and I had to dig deeper into such a weird statement. I concluded that girl was whacked since I would say she has trust issues with anyone she would date (so no thanks anyway).
* Several others just simply tell me they would never consider marrying a pilot because there is no stability and they are never home. So it would be a waste of time to date one. And there is no winning the argument when I'd explain that I'd actually be home more as a pilot than I was in my past as a 60 hour a week executive working from 9am to 8pm (sometimes until 10pm or 11pm!) five to six days per week in order to meet corporate objectives! Not to mention there was no guarantees my business would survive day to day. I know of very few careers where stability is guaranteed any more. (well, end those dates too since their mind was already made up that pilots are not good future husbands and a logical discussion was not being received well).
So here I sit. Thinking for once things would be easy since I have real plans now of being more flexible with my career where I would sacrifice my Pilot career for a relationship (meaning, I would take a second rate flying job in a location my girl wanted to live versus pursue the best long term career choice like I have before which moved me around the country a lot, ultimately now landing me here in Atlanta). It's also clear to me that I would have more time on my hands to invest in a relationship since the 60+ hour work weeks are ending (meaning I will have more than 4-5 days off per month for the first time in many years so my girlfriend would not have to pretend to enjoy meeting me at the office and going to business functions that become part of my past social life on a regular basis... thank god all that is done with!). The only negative is that money will be ten times less as a pilot, but money does not yield stability by default since if my last career was to falter, it's not easy to just run out and go make a couple hundred grand in a new place you are not proven yet. And I see flying as no less stable than my past business since the consulting world is also tied directly to economic cycles as I experienced when 9-11 wiped me out and I had to start over and only climbed the ladder so quickly through good decisions that were simply made on "gut feelings" (that means I got lucky where many of my competitors did not). After all, if companies in general are not growing, they have no reason for me as a consultant or as a pilot. So overall, I seen my new found flexibility in regard to relationships along with me being a pilot to result in a more positive thing when it come to relationships for the reasons I just mentioned.
Ah, hence the confusion. Put simply. In my past business life I had next to no time or flexibility to build a relationship, woman loved what I did and had interest in me for the long term. They even made some interesting sacrifices on their end to be with me while they tried to convince me to not ultimately move away to be a pilot (they simply did not believe I would actually leave them to pursue the career path that would lead my to be a pilot, even when I told them I would). And now I am faced with such a challenge in finding a good relationship with a woman due to the pilot career word yielding the "I would never seriously date a pilot" theme I've experienced in Atlanta. Yet, I am finally in a place in my life where I could have a great relationship based on my circumstances.
Is it a bad image of pilots in the Atlanta area?
Is there just a general misconception among woman that pilots are ego driven manics in an unstable career field and they all live a life of a woman in every city since they are never home?
Is this a pretty normal thing in general to experience?
Or, is it at my age of 34, the last things a woman wants to hear is 'career change'?
A lot of women can't handle the separation involved. Actually, the perfect woman for a pilot is either another pilot or a flight attendant. They know what the job involves.
CAUTION: If you do hook up with an F/A make sure she flies for a different airline. If you ever break up with one at your carrier, your name is going to be worse than mud. Because half of the other F/As will be her friends and they have a LOT of time to talk dirt about you on the jumpseat.
__________________
"Humankind cannot stand very much reality." - T.S. Eliot
You may find this hard to believe, but there are actually some women who want a man who's not always around! Just curious--what is the age range of the women you're attracted to? I can see some younger women being intimidated by a pilot's lifestyle, but many older ones might actually relish it! Good luck!
__________________ Colgan Q-400 Flight Attendant
I may have wings, but that doesn't make me an angel.....
You may find this hard to believe, but there are actually some women who want a man who's not always around! Just curious--what is the age range of the women you're attracted to? I can see some younger women being intimidated by a pilot's lifestyle, but many older ones might actually relish it! Good luck!
2 quotes from my lovely bride:
1. "The secret to our happy 24 year marriage is that he's been gone for 12 years of it..."
2. "I love to see him come, I love to see him go!"
Kevin
__________________ "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid!" - Goethe
She's GOT to love to have "her" time every week while you're working.
Me, I love it. I love my dh, and it's great when he's home, but I love "my" time too.
__________________
PPL SEL 100-ish hours TT
Former American Airlines F/A (12 months)
Former Simmons/Eagle F/A (6 years)
Former Eagle ground school instructor (1 year)
Former Eagle IOE instructor (3 years)
You're in Atlanta now, where everybody is, or is related to, or knows someone who is an airline employee. There are pilots everywhere. No one is impressed by it, and as in your situation, it has the opposite effect.
Velocipede's right. Don't get into a serious relationship with an FA! Rather, have them hook you up with pax!
Sorry I didn't have any actual advice for you. Try match.com maybe. I know a lot of pilots who've used it with success because the only women they meet on a daily basis are at the workplace, and those are the only women they never want to date. I'm guessing they have a profile thing on there, where you can write in what you do. That way, the ones who do bite know the situation before hand and probably won't have a problem with it.
Last edited by SteveC : April 6th, 2008 at 22:24.
Reason: Don't bypass the software censor.
She's GOT to love to have "her" time every week while you're working.
Exactly. I'm in the best relationship I've been in practically forever, and it is largely due to this. If you have an independent woman, she will be able to handle the times you are gone. You just need to ensure you make the most of the times you are home.
Not to say she won't miss you... It's about her being able to survive without you.
Velocipede's right. Don't get into a serious relationship with an FA! Rather, have them hook you up with pax!
A great many of the pilots who've married F/As have had great marriages. Both parties understand the "life" and the "system".
Judge whether or not you should be in relationship with someone based on the individual, not their occupation.
__________________
PPL SEL 100-ish hours TT
Former American Airlines F/A (12 months)
Former Simmons/Eagle F/A (6 years)
Former Eagle ground school instructor (1 year)
Former Eagle IOE instructor (3 years)
Judge whether or not you should be in relationship with someone based on the individual, not their occupation.
I couldn't have said it better. You should not be concerned with people who judge you on your occupation - for that is more like a business transaction than a real relationship. Hold out for the one who wants "you" and not your occupation or your money.
Having said that, I like my own space, and don't mind giving a guy his own space as well. As long as the feeling is mutual, and the communication is flowing, it can be golden that way!
__________________ "Ukuhamba Kukubona" - Xhosa Tribe - translation: "Traveling Opens a Window to The World"
You may find this hard to believe, but there are actually some women who want a man who's not always around! Just curious--what is the age range of the women you're attracted to? I can see some younger women being intimidated by a pilot's lifestyle, but many older ones might actually relish it! Good luck!
I'm not attracted to so much an age range per say. I'm attracted to 2 areas that have to come together to form an overall value of interest for me when combined together.
The first area is having common values, common interests, and an understanding of responsibility without forgetting how to let loose and enjoy life. The second area is having at least a level of matuiry when it comes to making important life decisions along with having a good level of mutual physical attraction.
That being said, I'll "look" as young as 24 and as old as 42, but even than can flex a bit based on my above criteria. After all, when I initially meet someone I rarely know how old they are until several hours to several months later. I did learn to ask though usually on the first date or two since I was surprised by the age of my last girlfriend who acted as if she was in her late 20's to early 30's, but I come to find out once we were involved that she was 12 years younger than me!
As far as here in Atlanta, the woman I been with so far have been around 27 to 38 years old. So I guess it's just a matter of time until I meet one who does not have a bad impression of pilots engraved into their mind.
PS - I have a sense it has something to do with Atlanta having a large pilot population and that caused a lot of women to stereotype based on a bad experiences or the hearsay they get from 'the street' on pilots. Just odd that once I mention pilot, I suddenly have a negative reputation that precedes me!
I was going to say it's probably just a matter of time before you meet someone who won't pre-judge you, but you beat me to it!
Stereotypes do suck, though. Do you think it's much different for me when I mention I'm a flight attendant? The strange look that comes over a man's face is something I wish I could capture on film.
__________________ Colgan Q-400 Flight Attendant
I may have wings, but that doesn't make me an angel.....
Tell the women who ask your occupation that you are either a heavy equipment operator or a aluminum transportation specialist! And if you are outed as a pilot, never tell em what airline you work for.....especially if you are in a bar and drinking....tell em you work for your competitor.
If we pilots made as much money as the public thinks we make, had as much time off as our neighbors think we have, and acutally did have girlfriends in every town.... This would be one helluva job!
With regard to ATL, I honestly think Delduh management spends so much effort keeping the airline non-union, the (unionized) pilots get painted as evil. And as pointed out before, everyone in ATL either has a friend or family member working for Southernjets.
I would think, however, ATL is a good hunting ground for a single guy........ and much of the male population here are not even interested in girls......not that there is anything wrong with that. There seem to be lots of beautiful single women on the scene in ATL......but not as many as DFW. As you know, there are nuthin but hotties out here!
I think I have one of those. Just got in from 9 days on the road and I was told more or less that I've got to ease her back into me being home! ha!
Don't ya love that?
"Woman, get in the kitchen and cook me... Nevermind, dear. Yes, I'll take out the garbage and then be right back in to massage your feet. No, of course nothing happened to me while I was gone; let's talk about your day..."
Kevin
__________________ "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid!" - Goethe
So I take it she won't be making you a mojito tonight?
Umm, no.
Kind of weird actually.
I spent 9 days away and had three very tame trips.
Instead of praising me for mellowing out a little since my first six or seven months on the ER, which were absolute "Donkey Kong", it was "SOOOOOO... what AREN'T you telling me?"
"Woman, get in the kitchen and cook me... Nevermind, dear. Yes, I'll take out the garbage and then be right back in to massage your feet. No, of course nothing happened to me while I was gone; let's talk about your day..."
Kevin
It was more like:
"Hey!"
"Do you need the car tomorrow? I have an appointment at 830"
A lot of women can't handle the separation involved. Actually, the perfect woman for a pilot is either another pilot or a flight attendant. They know what the job involves.
CAUTION: If you do hook up with an F/A make sure she flies for a different airline. If you ever break up with one at your carrier, your name is going to be worse than mud. Because half of the other F/As will be her friends and they have a LOT of time to talk dirt about you on the jumpseat.
that is a great tip...I had problems similar when I was working at this airline as a ticket agent. this airline unfortunatley folded last week....i will definitley take that advice with a grain of salt when I get hired to fly.
I spent 9 days away and had three very tame trips.
Instead of praising me for mellowing out a little since my first six or seven months on the ER, which were absolute "Donkey Kong", it was "SOOOOOO... what AREN'T you telling me?"
Can't win!
just grab your macbook, go to the chill-out room and she'll call you if she needs you....
"Do you need the car tomorrow? I have an appointment at 830"
I understand completely, my friend.
You walk in the door brimming with love, fellowship and good intentions and get met with a snarl and "what have you done for me lately? Nothing, so ####! BTW, 'Do you need the car tomorrow? I have an appointment at 830!'"
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt!
Just remember, she is the love of your life and you don't know what's been going on for the last 9 days!
LOL!
Kevin
__________________ "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid!" - Goethe
OK...here's a training video for our friend asking why chicks are skittish about pilots. I'm not smart enough to make the embeded code work, so hopefully someone smart can.
Thanks...
__________________
Do you like my boots? They're stingray!!
Pilots & Dating/ Girlfriend Issues... 
Linear Mode
