How do you Parent Pilots do it?

TheOneMarine · March 22nd, 2008, 20:50

As some of you may have heard, I'm going to be a dad here in only a few months! I'm also just starting out at PSA, still waiting sims in a couple of weeks. My question to you 121 and 135 pilots out there with families is this.... How do you deal with being away from your family for 4 to 5 days at a time? Were any of you new-hires when your child was born? How was that? I want to be there and want to get to know my baby but I am scared that being a new-hire and having reserves and crapy schedules will take its toll on me (granted I live close to base so I drive). ANY advice or help would be so appreciated as this is something that has been on my mind and needing to get off my chest for sometime now.

ZapBrannigan · March 22nd, 2008, 21:31

Was really easy! I left the airlines and found a job where I could still fly, but would be home in time for dinner most nights.

<grin> I know that's not what you had in mind but I wish you luck nonetheless. The first three months with our little one was the most stressful time in my marriage. But after three months it strengthened our family more than you could imagine. Every hour I spend away from home is spent looking forward to getting back to my wife and son.

I am glad I no longer do 3 or 4 day trips. I would have hated to miss all of those milestones. First time he rolled over... first time he said "dada"... first steps... first time he ate peas... and so very many more.

Good luck!

ljg · March 22nd, 2008, 21:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZapBrannigan

Was really easy! I left the airlines and found a job where I could still fly, but would be home in time for dinner most nights.

What do you do Zap?

ASpilot2be · March 22nd, 2008, 22:06

We have family friends that just had a child. She is a captain in a Lear for Airlift Northwest, and he is an FAA inspector.

I have no idea how they juggle everything.

MSUDAWG · March 22nd, 2008, 22:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheOneMarine

As some of you may have heard, I'm going to be a dad here in only a few months! I'm also just starting out at PSA, still waiting sims in a couple of weeks. My question to you 121 and 135 pilots out there with families is this.... How do you deal with being away from your family for 4 to 5 days at a time? Were any of you new-hires when your child was born? How was that? I want to be there and want to get to know my baby but I am scared that being a new-hire and having reserves and crapy schedules will take its toll on me (granted I live close to base so I drive). ANY advice or help would be so appreciated as this is something that has been on my mind and needing to get off my chest for sometime now.

Well Im not a parent pilot, but I was the child with a father as a pilot. My brother and sister and I didnt like it when dad left but it was awesome when he came home. He always spent a lot of time with us and we did things together all the time. Holidays were holidays but the dates we celebrated them werent always what was on the calendar. It's what your family makes of it and thats all we ever knew so it wasnt a big deal. Dad was there for all of our births which he was lucky for. He came running in for mine and got there about 5 mins before I popped out is what they told me.

As for dad working nights and having little kids, well lets just say we had a tendency to get on his nerves sometimes after he would get home from a long trip. We always knew "not to bother dad today bc he just got home from far away" but we would push his buttons.

In the end, yeah sometimes it sucked growing up and dad not being able to be at baseball and football games, but he made up for it with the quality time we got together when he got home. Looking back on it now and seeing some of my friends whose dads were office junkies, it seemed those guys were so locked up in their jobs and were home every night, so "quality time" wasnt really quality since they always saw eachother....Good luck!

gtpilot · March 23rd, 2008, 07:02

When my kids were born I managed to take a lot of time off to stay home (sacrifice of income). Now at 2 and 4, when I'm on the road I video chat with them every night. It's not hugely better than the phone but it does help the interaction. Also, I don't work a second job even though we could really use the extra cash.

MQAAord · March 23rd, 2008, 10:13

Remember FMLA applies to new dads too! You're entitled, within the scope of the law, to have 12 weeks unpaid off within 12 months of the life event. As long as you meet the eligibility requirements, it is federal law that they give you this time.

Ask about paternity leave, some companies offer it.

Both our kids were induced, one by choice, and one by medical necessity. Obviously a premature birth can happen, and that's just life, but we planned on inducing so that Bill would be there. Our doc was fine with it.

Sure, you'll miss some holidays and birthdays and other stuff. But you'll also have more "whole" (full) days with them than office-dwellers might. Basically take full advantage of the time you DO have with them. Don't sit around whining and pouting about missing this and missing that. Make the BEST of every minute you DO have with them.

It's always been no big deal in our house when Daddy goes to work. Daddy goes to work for a few days, then Daddy comes home for a few days. Lather, rinse, repeat. It's no big deal. I don't say, "Oh, Daddy's gone, isn't that awful, oh poor us, don't we miss Daddy, wah wah wah...". No. It's, "Oh, Daddy's at work, he'll be back saturday." I don't make a big deal of him being gone, so it's not a big deal to them! They get to see plenty of him, even if the time may not be every evening, it's still lots of time.

ZapBrannigan · March 23rd, 2008, 10:21

We have paternity leave at my company, 2 weeks paid and then they try to keep you off of overnights for the first month or two. It helped a lot in those first few days while everyone is getting acclimated.

ross9238 · March 25th, 2008, 20:54

First off, Congratulations to both you and your wife. My wife and I have two boys (3 and 4) and we're expecting our third baby. I'm an FO at a regional and we're trying to get through it. From my perspective, babysitting is the biggest problem that we are facing since daycare would put us over financially. I think if you have the babysitting issues taken care of that would be a little less stress for you while you are in training or flying. My wife and I are looking forward to our new addition and I'm hoping that I'll be able to hold a good line by then or if not then I would just opt to be on long call reserve. I know that having the first child or any which number it is, you would want to be there for every little thing that they do for the first time. I guess by signing up for this profession that is something, initially that we have traded in for. What I do with my sons right now is enjoy the couple of days that I have with them and make sure that we as a family have a great time together when I'm there. Congratulations once again and hope everything will work out for your family as you have planned.

Polar742 · April 1st, 2008, 18:06

When I was doing domestic, I'd bid 4 day trips, go do my deal. The big thing I did when I came home, was give the wife a day off. Just me and the little man. We'd have a guy's day. My wife had a day to do WHATEVER she wanted, which was a much needed break when I got home. I had a day of feeding (except when he fed off the tap), diaper duty, and a great chance to bond.

When I go on the road, I use that as my "me" time. Catch up on sleep, surf the net (obviously), and get some quiet time.

I'm still fairly new at this, but it's been working well for the last 2 years. The hardest thing was forcing myself to concentrate in initial training when I switched jobs last fall.

The most important thing I can think of is being supportive of Mom's needs, and make sure you have time to bond with the little one. Work thru the challenges, just the two of you, and it's cool.

I just hope you have one that sleeps as well as mine.

Best of Luck!!

MQAAord · April 1st, 2008, 18:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polar742

The big thing I did when I came home, was give the wife a day off. Just me and the little man. We'd have a guy's day. My wife had a day to do WHATEVER she wanted, which was a much needed break when I got home.

God bless you, good sir.

If there was a 'bowing down' smiley, I'd use it here.

That is a wonderful thing you're doing with that, and the best part is it's great for everyone. YOU get important bonding/one-on-one time with the little tyke, SHE gets some time off, and the little guy gets quality time with BOTH of you!

SteveC · April 1st, 2008, 19:38

Just for you Amber:

JayAre · April 1st, 2008, 22:39

Kinda late on this.
I have two kids. 4 year old boy and a 8 month girl. I fly freight with AMF and its very tough right now. I don't see them in the morning and their asleep by the time I get home. Im looking at walking away from aviation right now. My son has Autism and is fighting fevers that we or the doctors can't figure out. But I can't afford to leave the health insurance is pretty good with AMF. I may take an outstation and leave the family again for six months to make more money. My wife has been the backbone in the family in handling everything. I really don't know why she hasn't left me. Its tough, what makes it easy is if I can bid reserve than I have more home time with the family, but Im not logging time. Either way Im pretty down right now and just dealing with it. If it wasn't for my wife I don't know were I would be.

Ian J · April 2nd, 2008, 01:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayAre

Kinda late on this.
I have two kids. 4 year old boy and a 8 month girl. I fly freight with AMF and its very tough right now. I don't see them in the morning and their asleep by the time I get home. Im looking at walking away from aviation right now. My son has Autism and is fighting fevers that we or the doctors can't figure out. But I can't afford to leave the health insurance is pretty good with AMF. I may take an outstation and leave the family again for six months to make more money. My wife has been the backbone in the family in handling everything. I really don't know why she hasn't left me. Its tough, what makes it easy is if I can bid reserve than I have more home time with the family, but Im not logging time. Either way Im pretty down right now and just dealing with it. If it wasn't for my wife I don't know were I would be.

That sucks, man. It has to be tough.

I really hope it works out for you.

MusketeerMan · April 2nd, 2008, 10:50

You'll do just fine. I'm new at this as well, so I'm learning as I go. It's tough, but workable. I have a 2 1/2 year old little guy and one on the way, so I'm just learning the ins and outs of it all. I just got back from a 4 day and my wife picked me up at the airport. It made it worth it when I spotted them from the escalator and she couldn't contain him enough. She finally let him go when I was near the bottom and he screamed running through people yelling "daddy"...it made me melt. He about tackled me while holding my face with his hands.

It sounds like you've got a great supporting wife (she must be if you've chosen aviation) and that's a huge key in all of this. Take the time to learn your bidding system and that will also help out a ton.

I wish you the best of luck in all of this...

USMCmech · April 2nd, 2008, 12:52

Kids generally adapt to whatever "normal" is.

If "normal" is daddy being gone for 4 days, then home for three, they'll be just fine.

MQAAord · April 2nd, 2008, 14:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by USMCmech

Kids generally adapt to whatever "normal" is.

If "normal" is daddy being gone for 4 days, then home for three, they'll be just fine.

That's all my kids have ever known. Daddy goes to work for a few days and then he comes home for a few days.

I don't make a big deal of it either. I guess it's normal for me too

It's all I've known since I was 20.

KLB · April 2nd, 2008, 15:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayAre

Kinda late on this.
I have two kids. 4 year old boy and a 8 month girl. I fly freight with AMF and its very tough right now. I don't see them in the morning and their asleep by the time I get home. Im looking at walking away from aviation right now. My son has Autism and is fighting fevers that we or the doctors can't figure out. But I can't afford to leave the health insurance is pretty good with AMF. I may take an outstation and leave the family again for six months to make more money. My wife has been the backbone in the family in handling everything. I really don't know why she hasn't left me. Its tough, what makes it easy is if I can bid reserve than I have more home time with the family, but Im not logging time. Either way Im pretty down right now and just dealing with it. If it wasn't for my wife I don't know were I would be.

Thats tough buddy. I meant to ask you "how your kids were doing?" Have you called Burbank and told them of your situation? They may be able to work something out with you.

JA Yawd Bwoy · April 2nd, 2008, 20:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayAre

Kinda late on this.
I have two kids. 4 year old boy and a 8 month girl. I fly freight with AMF and its very tough right now. I don't see them in the morning and their asleep by the time I get home. Im looking at walking away from aviation right now. My son has Autism and is fighting fevers that we or the doctors can't figure out. But I can't afford to leave the health insurance is pretty good with AMF. I may take an outstation and leave the family again for six months to make more money. My wife has been the backbone in the family in handling everything. I really don't know why she hasn't left me. Its tough, what makes it easy is if I can bid reserve than I have more home time with the family, but Im not logging time. Either way Im pretty down right now and just dealing with it. If it wasn't for my wife I don't know were I would be.

Stick with you gut my freind, There is going to be a point in your like when you look back and you say, wow, I can't believe I made here from that. In my oppinion, what does not kill you only makes you stonger and more adapted to situations, especially if you have GOD in your corner!

God Bless!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusketeerMan

You'll do just fine. I'm new at this as well, so I'm learning as I go. It's tough, but workable. I have a 2 1/2 year old little guy and one on the way, so I'm just learning the ins and outs of it all. I just got back from a 4 day and my wife picked me up at the airport. It made it worth it when I spotted them from the escalator and she couldn't contain him enough. She finally let him go when I was near the bottom and he screamed running through people yelling "daddy"...it made me melt. He about tackled me while holding my face with his hands.

It sounds like you've got a great supporting wife (she must be if you've chosen aviation) and that's a huge key in all of this. Take the time to learn your bidding system and that will also help out a ton.

I wish you the best of luck in all of this...

That is a realy heart warming story

, makes me think about my future kids

TheOneMarine · April 2nd, 2008, 21:07

Thanks for all the responses and well wishes everyone. It really does help me to feel better and hopefully helped someone going thru what I am going thru. Seriously, as always, this is why I come here. Ya'll are the online family I never had

JayAre · April 2nd, 2008, 22:58

KLB I won't bother with BUR, my ACP knows my situation and has been great. It just frustrating when the medical bills start to pile up with collections on the horizon. Im planning my exit it could be next week or next year. In the mean time its just life and roll with the punches. In the mean time if you find a good flying job in Salt Lake with better money and QOL let me know.

KLB · April 3rd, 2008, 01:09

You're a prime example of what I was debating about in another thread.

Things happen and you find a way to keep things going the way you want. Good on you.

I know that you guys in SLC are getting pretty stocked on pilots. Even OAK is starting to fill up. Now they only lose 1 pilot for every 2 they gain. Thats progress!

The days of 4 on and 3 off for you based guys will be slowly be coming back around. PDX is already there from what I'm hearing.

I'll keep my ear to the ground for yah buddy.