Higher Road

MikeOH58 · December 30th, 2007, 18:53

Without going into too much detail, I will just say that the girl I was supposed to be proposing too tomorrow night completely shattered my heart and life 2 weeks ago. In short, she is a German citizen who'm I met as she was a'peaur'ing in the United States. We dated for 8 months in the states, and she returned to Germany on September 11th of this year. Since then we have seen eachother twice, and I was supposed to fly out to Germany on the 26th to spend New Years and the first part of January with her. I thought our relationship was tereffic (sp). Best I ever had, and we frequently talked about wedding. Out of no where, two weeks ago I get a message from her saying don't come to Germany, I can't love you anymore. It took me by complete suprise, and to make matters worse, she wont offer any more detail than "I feel like you don't love me anymore". Since that first day, she refuses to answer any of my calls, e-mails or text. Her sister and parents are now hanging up the phone on me when I call....I know there is something more, but she won't tell me. I've been going through hell the past 2 weeks, but today I finally feel I am able to get over it and continue my life. I wrote her a text message, as I have been trying to do, just asking her for a response...I told her that if this is what she wants, than I will accept it, but I can't completely give up if she doesn't respond to me...For the first time in 15 days, she replys with "Don't Call Me Again"....I wrote her back and asked her what she wanted me to do with the 4 crates of clothes, pictures, movies, etc...that she left at my house...She said "I dont have the money to pay for it to come back, so just throw them away".

As you can imagine, this initially enraged me. I really wanted to write her back and just tell it like it was....but I didn't...I thought about it, and cooler heads prevailed...I simply wrote her back and said thank you for motivating me, getting my life on track and helping me understand what an excellent relationship is based off of; trust. (its obvious that was all one sided, but I'm thankful that I learned that all the love in the world doesn't matter if you dont completely trust a person).

Anyways....I don't know why i'm writing this, but it makes me feel better...I'm really freaking glad I took the higher road, and instead of writing some mean and hateful things, I responded like a man...

Like I said, I don't know why the heck im writing this here, but its definately helping with my attitude, and for the first time in weeks, I am seeing a light and feeling like myself again. And its a good feeling.

Thanks for reading.

darrenf · December 30th, 2007, 19:01

Sorry to hear about that brother. I know I wouldn't be able to feel the way you do after just 2 weeks. I am impressed. Remember the good things about the relationship, and take that with you into the new year, and you'll find it again. When you are happy, women can sense it, and want to be with you. Holding on to anger and pain will just hurt, and get you no where.

MikeOH58 · December 30th, 2007, 19:21

Thanks Darren, I appreciate it. I've been miserable the past 2 weeks...To the point where I was just a body doing a routine...Nothing excited me or made me smile, and today I took action and said no, you cant live like this. The situation sucks, and its the most sad experience I've ever had in my life, but it is what it is, and you have to accept the things you cannot change. It was so hurtful for her to ignore me. I could accept if she no longer wanted to be with me, as hard as it was...But for her to just ignore me was mean spirited...I guess i'm just happy it happened now, opposed to down the line, potentially with a family.

As much as she has destroyed me, I have forgiven her, and I feel like I have taken the higher road as the title says...I think that is what makes a man. It's not about how strong you are or how many girls you screw or how many beers you can drink...It's these emotional and personal situations that can change your life, which set the course to true manhood in my opinion.

Something that really helped me was a quote from "Wildreness Survival", by Tom Brown Jr.

"NOW LIVING" - "Next time you're worried about something, practice "being here now". First, notice how your mind jumps to the past and the future like a drunken monkey, wasting precious time and energy. Then begin to harness your concentration. Imagine yourself incapable of seeing yesterday or tomorrow. Enjoy the moment for what it is."

Anyways, again...Thanks for reading.

darrenf · December 30th, 2007, 19:25

Something snapped in her, I don't know what, maybe it was her need to return home, and something made her want to leave America behind. But, I hope you can forgive her someday. It seems mean, but I know when I have broken up in the past, I needed a total cut off, because I knew if I spoke to the person, I would end up breaking down and back in the relationship. While that might have been what my heart wanted, it wouldn't have been the smartest thing to do. It wouldn't surprise me if the minute she got off the phone with you after telling you not to call her, that she broke down sobbing.

MQAAord · December 30th, 2007, 20:27

That's just cold. Ignoring someone is no way to break up with someone. That's just a chicken#### way of avoiding the unpleasantry of doing the actual "breaking up". She should have at least given you the courtesy of a phone call to officially break up. Normally I would say that it should be in person, but considering she's in Germany I'll give her the benefit of a phone call instead.

Sorry she did that to you. The guy I was seeing when I left to go to Eagle did the same thing to me. Just vanished, ignored my calls & emails. I couldn't believe it. If he'd wanted to stop seeing me, that's fine. I'm a big girl, I can take it, but to just start ignoring me was just chicken####. If I ever see that guy again, I will tell him that to his face, too.

Good for you for moving on. If she'll avoid having to break up with you, imagine what other personality traits might have surfaced after a while too.... You're far better off without someone like that. Find yourself a nice girl with a backbone!

darrenf · December 30th, 2007, 20:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by MQAAord

That's just cold. Ignoring someone is no way to break up with someone. That's just a chicken#### way of avoiding the unpleasantry of doing the actual "breaking up".

Lets just be clear here that I never left someone with doubt that we were finished. I just made sure afterward to eliminate contact.

desertdog71 · December 30th, 2007, 20:30

Been there my friend. Got blindsided once myself...two weeks later I met my wife. Hope that is somewhat encouraging. Just get back on the horse and try not to let it get you down, and most importantly. Do not become closed off emotionally because of it.

Good luck

darrenf · December 30th, 2007, 20:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertdog71

. Do not become closed off emotionally because of it.

Fantastic advice!

staplegun · December 30th, 2007, 20:38

Isn't it better that you found out what she is made of now?

Think of how you'd feel if you had married her and discovered she was not what she seemed...

You're better off without her! (Even though it hurts...)

Your soul-mate is out there, waiting for you...

Kevin

Qgar · December 30th, 2007, 20:42

Unfortunately, similar things have happened to many of us--male and female. I had the same thing happen to me with a man old enough to know better. I agree with Amber, it is the chicken#### way of doing it, but that's on them, not you. It's good you "grieved" and got it out of your system. You will find true happiness somewhere down the line with someone worthy of you.

MikeOH58 · December 30th, 2007, 21:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertdog71

Been there my friend. Got blindsided once myself...two weeks later I met my wife. Hope that is somewhat encouraging. Just get back on the horse and try not to let it get you down, and most importantly. Do not become closed off emotionally because of it.

Good luck

I agree...I'm looking at the good things out of it...1- she was such an awesome motivation for me, especially getting my flying career on track. For better or for worse, she got me to finish up my ratings, and i've got the fire burning under my arse to keep kicking arse...

2 and most importantly, I learned that the fantastic relationships are based off of unconditional. Funny I say that seeing how things worked out, but when things were going well, life was great...And that was because at the time we had total trust in eachother...There was no jealously...There was no questioning where you are or who you're with. I've never had that in a relationship, but I know for the future, that is something to strive for. You can love someone with all your heart, but if you don't trust them, than love isn't enough...

Again, I appreciate everyone's responses...I know i'm not the only one to go through this. This is something people deal with every day, and the strong man (or gal), continues on, and kicks arse...You can grieve and be upset, it's natural, but you can't go on feeling sorry for yourself forever. I'm a young guy, and I've got a lot of living left to do.

Again, thank you guys and girls...I'm feeling awesome right now, and this thread has definately helped.

Thanks.

cmsuav8r · December 31st, 2007, 01:06

I just went through something similar, and it has made me a stronger person. I'm glad you are taking it in a positive way and are learning from your experience too.

Like The Fray say, "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"

slpilot · January 3rd, 2008, 16:47

Your situation is a little different than mine man, but I feel for you just as you do me. It does suck, and women seem to be distant when it comes to this stuff when they dont want to tell you the real truth, or are scared to tell you the real truth. Maybe she just decided her life was in Germany. By now your doing pretty well. At least i was told the truth after asking a couple times, but it took a couple times. Its hard to get closure when theres so much left open at the end. Well just have to sack up and start showing women who we really are, and someday someone will show us that we are worth what we know we are, im confident in that.

Heres to 08 and new journeys my man.

atpwannabe · January 3rd, 2008, 22:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeOH58

....but I didn't...I thought about it, and cooler heads prevailed...I simply wrote her back and said thank you for motivating me, getting my life on track and helping me understand what an excellent relationship is based off of; trust. (its obvious that was all one sided, but I'm thankful that I learned that all the love in the world doesn't matter if you dont completely trust a person).

Anyways....I don't know why i'm writing this, but it makes me feel better...I'm really freaking glad I took the higher road, and instead of writing some mean and hateful things, I responded like a man...

Like I said, I don't know why the heck im writing this here, but its definately helping with my attitude, and for the first time in weeks, I am seeing a light and feeling like myself again. And its a good feeling.

Thanks for reading.

Mike:

I'm right there with you. Keep your eye on the prize and continue to walk on the water. Pay no attention to the wind & waves...or you'll sink!!! HINT!! HINT!!

Before you know it and when you least expect it...HE will bring someone new & deserving of your love into your life.

Stay strong my friend.

atp