AIDS??????

[Bandit_Driver]

Well, there isn't too much more I can add here as Kell and MQAAORD pretty much said what I was thinking. Communcation is definately the key here. You need to sit down and have a talk with your wife and lay everything out. If she goes into this eyes wide open and you can address her concerns you should be OK.

[rayray311]

Thanks everyone!!!! I really do love all the info I have gained from this forum since I joined. It's priceless.

[Texasspilot]

Originally Posted by rayray311

Thanks everyone!!!! I really do love all the info I have gained from this forum since I joined. It's priceless.

When they say all parts of the career they really mean it.

Pay, Schedule, loans etc.. You need to figure out what its gonna take to get you where you want to be and really see if you can afford it both monetarily and emotionally.

Preparing your significant other for what its gonna take to get you where you want to be will go a long way to keeping things harmonious.

[killbilly]

Originally Posted by averyrm

According to statistics more than 50% of jobs lead to divorce apparently.

Like most said, if it's a bad relationship it was going to end regardless if you are a pilot or not.

This is half true. Jobs don't lead to divorce. Bad marriages do.

Ray, I was divorced before I decided to become a pilot. There's no need to go into details, but I can tell you that I once upon a time I floated the idea of flight training to her and she was less than supportive of even talking about it. The unwillingness to even talk about it was a symptom, y'know? That was a LONG time ago, and aviation had NOTHING to do with the divorce, but the kind of people we were certainly did.

I think 50% of marriages end because people go into it for the wrong reasons. I think the percentage of marriages which SHOULD end is considerably higher, though. Some people just can't hack the thought of divroce and spend decades being polite and miserable. If they have children, it's worse, because kids know. They may not be able to articulate it, but they know.

I'm a hell of a lot wiser and smarter about relationships than I used to be. Present one has had some rocky moments, but we manage to fight things out by talking. Sometimes it takes months going over the same ground until we meet somewhere in the middle, but it does work out.

What you and your bride need to figure out is, (and this is JUST my opinion) a) how honest you're being with yourselves about your issues. You have to be extremely honest with yourselves and each other - anything short of that will breed resentment. Once you establish that, then you move to b) which is establishing the boundaries - where are you willing to compromise on things like away time, schedules, time with kids, family, salary - and you make your choices from there. But being absolutely honest, and absolutely gentle with each other's feelings will ensure that you do it the "right" way. And if it STILL doesn't work out in the long run, you will at least have a clear conscience about things, knowing that you both did what you could.

Make sense?

I hope this helps. It may not work for everyone, but it's a little gleaning I've picked up over the last couple of years. Scar tissue is so instructional, y'know?

[averyrm]

Originally Posted by killbilly

This is half true. Jobs don't lead to divorce. Bad marriages do.

Sorry, I didn't really explain it well. I ment that it wasn't the job that was causing the divorce and since 50%-ish of marriages end, people will usually blame it on whatever is convenient instead of the fact that it was just a bad marriage.

[SkyCougar]

Originally Posted by killbilly

This is half true. Jobs don't lead to divorce. Bad marriages do.

Ray, I was divorced before I decided to become a pilot. There's no need to go into details, but I can tell you that I once upon a time I floated the idea of flight training to her and she was less than supportive of even talking about it. The unwillingness to even talk about it was a symptom, y'know? That was a LONG time ago, and aviation had NOTHING to do with the divorce, but the kind of people we were certainly did.

I think 50% of marriages end because people go into it for the wrong reasons. I think the percentage of marriages which SHOULD end is considerably higher, though. Some people just can't hack the thought of divroce and spend decades being polite and miserable. If they have children, it's worse, because kids know. They may not be able to articulate it, but they know.

I'm a hell of a lot wiser and smarter about relationships than I used to be. Present one has had some rocky moments, but we manage to fight things out by talking. Sometimes it takes months going over the same ground until we meet somewhere in the middle, but it does work out.

What you and your bride need to figure out is, (and this is JUST my opinion) a) how honest you're being with yourselves about your issues. You have to be extremely honest with yourselves and each other - anything short of that will breed resentment. Once you establish that, then you move to b) which is establishing the boundaries - where are you willing to compromise on things like away time, schedules, time with kids, family, salary - and you make your choices from there. But being absolutely honest, and absolutely gentle with each other's feelings will ensure that you do it the "right" way. And if it STILL doesn't work out in the long run, you will at least have a clear conscience about things, knowing that you both did what you could.

Make sense?

I hope this helps. It may not work for everyone, but it's a little gleaning I've picked up over the last couple of years. Scar tissue is so instructional, y'know?

Well said Killbilly - That scar tissue does teach you a thing or two, doesn't it? I agree, jobs don't lead to divorce, but marriages gone bad do. The best years of the 25 years with my ex were ironically the hardest years, career-wise and financially. You spoke some wise words!

[Brand X]

Originally Posted by rayray311

Please brand x dont talk to me EVER. i have received numerous messages from people on here warning me about u and i have also read about u on other threads. i dont know what you did to rub so may people the wrong way, but u did it to me my 2nd day on here. seriously, lets just not talk to each other. i thought we agreed to do that. thanks

OBTW, did you know that on the back of you FAA medical form there is a question for the doctor to note ANY scars OR body markings (tattoos)? You will NOT be able to hide you tattoos for an entire career. Your company will find out and when they do, they will fire you since you didn't tell them. More and more companies are asking applicants if they have tattoos. It's perfectly legal for them to do so.

[jonnyb]

Originally Posted by Brand X

OBTW, did you know that on the back of you FAA medical form there is a question for the doctor to note ANY scars OR body markings (tattoos)? You will NOT be able to hide you tattoos for an entire career. Your company will find out and when they do, they will fire you since you didn't tell them. More and more companies are asking applicants if they have tattoos. It's perfectly legal for them to do so.

Did you know you have absolutely NO credibility on this website and no one is listening? You're pathetic. Seriously dude, get a life. You honestly have nothing better to do than to harass and stalk forum members. It really disgusts me that you are a "professional" pilot mucking up this industry. You must be a pretty good actor fooling UPS or whoever you work for that you posses some amount of character.

[SeanD]

Originally Posted by jonnyb

Did you know you have absolutely NO credibility on this website and no one is listening? You're pathetic. Seriously dude, get a life. You honestly have nothing better to do than to harass and stalk forum members. It really disgusts me that you are a "professional" pilot mucking up this industry. You must be a pretty good actor fooling UPS or whoever you work for that you posses some amount of character.

Couldnt have said it better myself. He is a kid who sits around a.net and FSX pretending to be a pilot. First UPS then the XJET avatar. I think he has worn out his stay here.

[drhunterr]

100% guarantee you he's a kid - theres another forum discussing pay that he made a point to say he paid cash for Ruth's Cris steakhouse...I mean, if you...you know...look at the menu...you might notice that its Ruth's CHris steakhouse. But I suppose when you're just posing its all the same...UPS, ExpressJet...RJ, 1987 Buick Riviera that his grandma gave him...

[rayray311]

thanks bro...good advice

Originally Posted by killbilly

This is half true. Jobs don't lead to divorce. Bad marriages do.

Ray, I was divorced before I decided to become a pilot. There's no need to go into details, but I can tell you that I once upon a time I floated the idea of flight training to her and she was less than supportive of even talking about it. The unwillingness to even talk about it was a symptom, y'know? That was a LONG time ago, and aviation had NOTHING to do with the divorce, but the kind of people we were certainly did.

I think 50% of marriages end because people go into it for the wrong reasons. I think the percentage of marriages which SHOULD end is considerably higher, though. Some people just can't hack the thought of divroce and spend decades being polite and miserable. If they have children, it's worse, because kids know. They may not be able to articulate it, but they know.

I'm a hell of a lot wiser and smarter about relationships than I used to be. Present one has had some rocky moments, but we manage to fight things out by talking. Sometimes it takes months going over the same ground until we meet somewhere in the middle, but it does work out.

What you and your bride need to figure out is, (and this is JUST my opinion) a) how honest you're being with yourselves about your issues. You have to be extremely honest with yourselves and each other - anything short of that will breed resentment. Once you establish that, then you move to b) which is establishing the boundaries - where are you willing to compromise on things like away time, schedules, time with kids, family, salary - and you make your choices from there. But being absolutely honest, and absolutely gentle with each other's feelings will ensure that you do it the "right" way. And if it STILL doesn't work out in the long run, you will at least have a clear conscience about things, knowing that you both did what you could.

Make sense?

I hope this helps. It may not work for everyone, but it's a little gleaning I've picked up over the last couple of years. Scar tissue is so instructional, y'know?

[rayray311]

Originally Posted by Brand X

OBTW, did you know that on the back of you FAA medical form there is a question for the doctor to note ANY scars OR body markings (tattoos)? You will NOT be able to hide you tattoos for an entire career. Your company will find out and when they do, they will fire you since you didn't tell them. More and more companies are asking applicants if they have tattoos. It's perfectly legal for them to do so.

I dont know why this Brand X guy is stalking me and harassing me but it is pretty strange. He has some vendetta for me, and everyone else it seems. I have not gotten ONE nice thing spoken to me about him but ENDLESS private messages telling me what a closed minded, judgmental jerk he is. Also, I always see people getting aggravated with him and telling him to mind his own business.

I had thought that he and I had agreed to not post comments on each others threads or to talk to each other, but he won't go away. I don't know why.

Is there something I can do to get this guy "blocked" from me at all? Has anyone ever asked someone from this website to ask him to stop being such a confrontational boob? I can't be the first one to feel this way.

[SkyCougar]

Don't waste a second of your time, or an ounce of your energy thinking, or worrying, about "it". (the Brand X)

[Fly4Pay]

AAaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddd.... back to the topic at hand...

There are a couple of big reasons divorce rates are high in the airline career field, in my opinion....

1) Time apart is obviously a factor. However, in today's world of cell phones with unlimited minutes, it's much easier to keep COMMUNICATING, even when you are apart. When my wife and I were dating, I was in a situation where I was only able to see her on weekends (hmmm... much like now, except now I only DON'T see her on weekends! . We spent a lot of time them on the phone. We were best friends before we got romantically inclined, and we kept getting closer even afterwards because we spent a lot of time talking--it was great, and it has served us well ever since.

2) The temptation factor is very high, especially for the flying spouse. Face it... we're out for days at a time, and eventually you are going to be on a crew with a relationship "shark"-- someone just out cruising for contact. It might be a "toucher," or one who laughs at every joke you make, or just someone who thinks you're fun, but it's obvious they are trying to "make contact." It's important to recognize these folks and avoid (politely, if possible) falling into their trap. (Yes, I know this happens in other career fields, too... aviation just seems to have a higher percentage)

3) Being apart leads to another problem--while you are gone, she will establish her "routine" of how things get done around the house (this is MUCH more of a factor if you have kids). When you come back, you (unintentionally) upset the applecart, and it takes some readjustment. The longer your trips are, the bigger factor this is. When I was on 90-day deployments with the AF, it was HUGE. Now it's much less of a factor.

There are some good things about the life, though. In our case, being apart has actually been good for us! My wife and I are doing better now (relationally) than we have in years. First, I'm doing something I really enjoy (the AF and I kind of "grew apart" my last few years in). By being gone a few days then coming back, she has the opportunity to "miss me a little" every week--she looks forward to me getting home (hey... THERE'S a plus!)

Like others have said, do what you love, put your marriage first, and you'll be fine. If you don't, and you don't, well... it won't matter WHAT career you're in.

Best of luck!

[Mrs.Alchemist]

Just my own little perspective...

I think that it can work as long as both people are committed. Also, I really love seeing how much my husband loves what he is doing now! Seeing him so happy makes me happy. I was getting really tired of listening to him complain about his job *before* he became a pilot. I'm sure that your wife will love seeing you happy, too!

People spend their whole lives trying to figure out what they want to do... If you know what you want to do, then you have to go for it!

P.S. Jetgirls is great

[MQAAord]

Originally Posted by rayray311

Is there something I can do to get this guy "blocked" from me at all?

If there is a particular user who's posts you do not want to see, you can use the "Ignore" feature.

Click on "User CP" (upper left side of your screen, it's the farthest left option in the blue bar that goes all the way across the screen). Then, on the left side of the screen you'll see various options to customize your JC display. Almost all the way at the bottom of that column on the left side of the screen, under Miscellaneous, is the link to "Ignore Lists". It's a great feature. Use it!

[MarkE]

Originally Posted by Mrs.Alchemist

Just my own little perspective...

I think that it can work as long as both people are committed. Also, I really love seeing how much my husband loves what he is doing now! Seeing him so happy makes me happy. I was getting really tired of listening to him complain about his job *before* he became a pilot. I'm sure that your wife will love seeing you happy, too!

People spend their whole lives trying to figure out what they want to do... If you know what you want to do, then you have to go for it!

P.S. Jetgirls is great

I gotta say I'm pretty impressed with Mr. Evangelista! He definitely accomplished what he set out to do. Now I need to get my ass in gear.

[cre8flyer]

Why all the hand-wringing? Just get divorced first. Then you can do whatever you want with your life.

[rayray311]

Originally Posted by cre8flyer

Why all the hand-wringing? Just get divorced first. Then you can do whatever you want with your life.

dude why didnt i think of that? I look forward to sitting in the nursing home by myself with no wife or family. SWEET!


ps- i felt the same way b4 i met the "ONE".....never wanted marriage, said i would never do it. but i realize i should never say never

[skydog]

Lots being said about "making sure the wife understands." But little or nothing has been said about you. Consider: you are going to be gone for 3 or 4 days at a time. You are going to be in close quarters with a lot of females: flight attendants, gate agents, crew schedulers, fellow pilots, etc. These are people who have chosen a career and lifestyle with a lot similarities to yours. Which means you have something in common, something shared that draws you together. A good portion of them are likely to be attractive. There are a lot of jokes about it, but in my experience, the airline business seems to attract a sizable share of good looking women to it.

Now consider this: You are on day 4 of a 5 day. You're tired, you're homesick, maybe it has not been the smoothest of trips, so you are a little depressed or frustatrated. And now that hottie flight attendant you have been flying with all month is letting it be known that she is available to you if you are interested. What are you going to do? Are you strong enough?

Consider your own strengths, not just your wife's. If there is infidelity in the marriage is just as likely to come from the person on the road as it is from the person left behind.

[Cruise]

Originally Posted by rayray311

I dont know why this Brand X guy is stalking me and harassing me but it is pretty strange. He has some vendetta for me, and everyone else it seems. I have not gotten ONE nice thing spoken to me about him but ENDLESS private messages telling me what a closed minded, judgmental jerk he is. Also, I always see people getting aggravated with him and telling him to mind his own business.

I had thought that he and I had agreed to not post comments on each others threads or to talk to each other, but he won't go away. I don't know why.

Is there something I can do to get this guy "blocked" from me at all? Has anyone ever asked someone from this website to ask him to stop being such a confrontational boob? I can't be the first one to feel this way.

Don't even worry about BX. He's a poser, troll, etc.....whatever you want to call it. By ignoring his completely ignorant posts, you'll take fuel from his fire. I know it's not easy....the dumb stuff that he posts begs for replys.....which is EXACTLY his motive. It's obvious he's not who he says he is and I'd imagine his days on JC are numbered (pure speculation though).

On topic.....good luck with your decision on becoming a pilot. Sounds to me like communication is the key element.

[SeatClutcher]

Originally Posted by skydog

Lots being said about "making sure the wife understands." But little or nothing has been said about you. Consider: you are going to be gone for 3 or 4 days at a time. You are going to be in close quarters with a lot of females: flight attendants, gate agents, crew schedulers, fellow pilots, etc. These are people who have chosen a career and lifestyle with a lot similarities to yours. Which means you have something in common, something shared that draws you together. A good portion of them are likely to be attractive. There are a lot of jokes about it, but in my experience, the airline business seems to attract a sizable share of good looking women to it.

Now consider this: You are on day 4 of a 5 day. You're tired, you're homesick, maybe it has not been the smoothest of trips, so you are a little depressed or frustatrated. And now that hottie flight attendant you have been flying with all month is letting it be known that she is available to you if you are interested. What are you going to do? Are you strong enough?

Consider your own strengths, not just your wife's. If there is infidelity in the marriage is just as likely to come from the person on the road as it is from the person left behind.

Serious thought on that: if one is that susceptible to temptation, maybe the first thought should be whether to marry...?

[killbilly]

Originally Posted by SeatClutcher

Serious thought on that: if one is that susceptible to temptation, maybe the first thought should be whether to marry...?

See my earlier post about bad marriage....

[Doug Taylor]

Remove the social and financial incentive for marriage, divorce rates magically will go down! Seriously.

[Kingairer]

Folks you do know that you can ignore some peoples post by adding them to your ignore list. It will help our JC Bloodpressure alot not having to read it. If youve ignored me then youve missed out on this great peice of advice.