Broken leg

[kellwolf]

So, I'm on a trip this weekend, and I get the call from Nessa that Gavin isn't doing so hot. He's had an ear infection for a while, and we're trying to get an appointment to get tubes put in his ears (yeah, the infection(s) are that bad). He fell Sat morning dragging her into the kitchen for his morning milk, but didn't seem too worse for wear. Well, the next day, Nessa notices he's screaming bloody murder whenever she moved him. We thought it was his ears bothering him still, until she noticed his legs were extremely sensitive. So, off to LeBohner Children's Hospital she goes with her mom. Meanwhile, I'm in LEX waiting for the word from the emergency room.

The call comes in at about 1:30 am, and it's a broken leg. WTF?!?!? Not just any broken leg, but a spiral fracture of the femur, which is a pretty tough bone to break. So, guess what happens now? We start getting investigated by Child Services. I'm still on my trip, and no where NEAR MEM until the next day. So, he goes into surgery, gets his cast and comes out okay. Meanwhile, Nessa is getting the third degree from detectives and social workers. Just as I land in MEM coming from TYS, i get an hysterical phone message from here. Child services is threatening to take Gavin away. So, I put in the call to scheduling and the base manager, have them remove me from the rest of my trip, and join the rest of the family at the hospital.

I understand that CS is just doing their job, but these people could give the Salem witch hunters a run for their money. "Are you sure there's something else you want to tell us?" They must have asked that question of Nessa bout 10-15 times. They couldn't believe that he could break his leg from falling. They were convinced she HAD to have done something. At one point, the socail worker even said "We know that sometimes parents get stressed out and do bad things in the heat of the moment. We just want to get you the help you need." WTF?!?!? She's never raised a hand to this kid or hurt him in his life, and never would. When they found out she was bi-polar, the ##### REALLY hit the fan. "What happens if you don't take your meds?" "Who's your doctor?" "When was the last time you saw him?" "Have you ever been hospitalized for this?" Apparently, their theory was she had a depressed "episode" and jerked him or something. The evidence didn't fit their theory, so they were trying to bully her into confessing something. At one point, the detective even said "Well, it doesn't look good, and we might be taking your son away from you." That's what triggered the phone call.

So, much anger, crying and phone conversations later, we're home from the hospital....with Gavin. The only stipulation is, she isn't allowed to be alone with him for like the next two week.....we think. We've heard "two weeks" to "when some special tests are run by the geneticists." See, there was some question as to his bone density, so there are some more test being run, but the earliest appointment we could get was in April. Now, I know the CS is gonna do surprise home inspections to make sure she's not being left alone, abusing him, smacking him against the wall or whatever, but IMO, two weeks is plenty of time. ESPECIALLY if they have no evidence to the contrary. My opinion (and the opinion of Nessa's shrink and therapist) are CS is latching on to her bi-polar disorder unfairly and going after her. Last time I read the Constitution, we were innocent until proven guilty. Doesn't seem like that's the case in MEM......

[Kristie]

WOW.. that is unbelievable!!!! I'm glad to hear Gavin is ok but i can't believe the run around you guys are getting! you have no past history....

I'd suggest getting an attorney just in case they keep trying to do something in relation to her disorder!! if you need references, not sure how much good we could do since we're so far away but we'd be glad to help!

I hope things get better sooner than later!

[JEP]

Steve,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope everything gets better fast. I know it sucks that it seems they are out to get parents.

For everytime it seems as though they are being overbearing there always seems to be another sad story about them n ot being thorough enough. Then a few weeks later you read the story in the paper about some abuse that turned up and was never noticed. Now the city and people are upset that they didn't do their job. It is definetly a two-edged sword and very fine line between protecting the rights of the kids .vs the rights of the parents/caretakers.

I went through a very similar situation when my oldest was in daycare and was assaulted by the provider. Her attorney was drilling me about corporal punishment, what did 'I' do. He even had a previous provider that testified I brought him to her home with bruises and never had an answer.

Seriously I hope it works out for you sooner rather than later.

I wish you and your family well.

- Jim

[AZBigDog]

Originally Posted by Kristie

WOW.. that is unbelievable!!!! I'm glad to hear Gavin is ok but i can't believe the run around you guys are getting! you have no past history....

I'd suggest getting an attorney just in case they keep trying to do something in relation to her disorder!! if you need references, not sure how much good we could do since we're so far away but we'd be glad to help!

I hope things get better sooner than later!

Sorry about your situation.

I agree with Kristie, get an attorney. Might be pricey but it's gonna be worth it in the long run. CS has no real evidence. Just wondering, who put the call in to CS?

Jeez, whatever happened to good old just gettin hurt as a kid. I've had two broken bones in my life, a finger and an arm, believe me my parents had nothing to do with either case 'cept to take me to the doc.

Good luck!

[JayAre]

There is nothing harder than being gone and getting calls from the wife like that. Hope the kid gets feeling better. Kids do the craziest things, I just found out my boy can climb up to the top bunk bed, but not back down. Sounds like CS is a knee jerk circus there. Document everything with what happens I would even suggest video or audio recording when they show up.

[jtrain609]

That sucks dude. You know the story about how DSS tried to take me away after my folks called poision control on me a bunch of times when I was a baby. Turns out they weren't trying to kill me, I'm just stupid.

EDIT: Fixed it for ya, Steve

[SteveC]

Originally Posted by jtrain609

...Turns out they weren't trying to kill me, I was just stupid.

<...door opens wide...waiting...>

[falconvalley]

A broken leg and they won't leave it alone? Sounds like CS has a bunch of amateurs working in Mem!

[amorris311]

same thing happened to me when i was a little bit younger. i broke my arm and had a spiral fracture in the humorus. child services was giving me the full court press as well as my parents. i later come to find out from my mom that a spiral fracture is extremely common for kids that are abused. my mom who was a judge in compton of all places saw a lot of cases like that and was not suprised when they started questioning her about me. i told cs that i was being dumb and jumping from trees with my friends, which was true! i just landed wrong on my arm. either way you can expect the unexpected stop by of cs. they came by for about a month then jsut moved on. sorry about the stress and i hope your son gets better.

[Kristie]

Originally Posted by AZBigDog

Just wondering, who put the call in to CS?

I'm betting the hospital did, i think they *have* to do that when it involves a child. regulations ya know?

[kellwolf]

Originally Posted by amorris311

same thing happened to me when i was a little bit younger. i broke my arm and had a spiral fracture in the humorus. child services was giving me the full court press as well as my parents. i later come to find out from my mom that a spiral fracture is extremely common for kids that are abused. my mom who was a judge in compton of all places saw a lot of cases like that and was not suprised when they started questioning her about me. i told cs that i was being dumb and jumping from trees with my friends, which was true! i just landed wrong on my arm. either way you can expect the unexpected stop by of cs. they came by for about a month then jsut moved on. sorry about the stress and i hope your son gets better.

Same deal, except it's the upper leg bone in this case. Thing is, when he fell in the kitchen (a CONCRETE FLOOR covered with linoleum tile), he was twisting as he fell AND holding onto my wife's finger. CS is trying to say it's impossible for him to have just fallen and done that, and the pediatrician (not his normal one, he's fighting tooth and nail for us) started trying to treat me like an idiot. When she FINALLY showed me the x-rays (which she had to magnify twice to see the break), I saw it was a torsion fracture. After a detailed explanation including a dry erase board, markers and some sarcasm (those that know me know that when I get angry, I get extremely calm and sarcastic) I finally had her admit "Well, it's POSSIBLE.....but it's unlikely." I told her "It's unlikely I could be hit by a car crossing the street, but I'd be just as dead." I guess those aircraft accident investigation classes I took came in handy. It was fairly easy to transfer the knowledge of torsion stresses, impacts and collisions over in this case.

Our plan right now is to just go with the flow and hope everything comes out okay. I've got an attorney "on deck" just in case they try to drag this out. If they've done in home visits and spot check inspections, still have no evidence and continue to drag it out, I'm gonna start crying discrimination and harassment. The fact that they didn't communicate to our doctor that they were releasing us from the hospital until 4 hours after the decision was made lowers my faith in the organization to do the right thing. Our doctors had the paper work for our release filled out at 9:30 am, we signed the CS paperwork at around 1, but the doctors told us at 4 PM "We're still waiting on CS to release you." We left at around 6:30 PM. Left hand, meet right hand, now what the hell are you two doing?

[Ian J]

God... what a crappy situation. Wish ya the best!

So with the two-week thing: does that mean you can't work for two weeks?

[X-Forces]

Man, I hate to hear about stories like this!

I am aware that CS pays a very important and vital role, however I am always concerned with any system in which you are guilty, or presumed so, until you can prove otherwise. While I believe in the service, I sometimes feel that the mechanics behind the system is inherently flawed.

Not that it is any comfort, but it would seem like child services are very similar even outside of the U.S.A.

We had a similar incident with our son over here. As our son, and daughter now, is of mixed race, his back and legs were covered with Mongolian spots from birth. Naturally here in Germany they are mostly used to the standard looking babies that look like they come off of a factory assembly line. Our midwife wasn’t aware of Mongolian spots and assumed that they were bruises, and to make a long story short we had to go through a similar song and dance as the one you described.

So, you’re not alone. I'm sure it will work out O.K.

[ComplexHiAv8r]

Sorry to hear about it Steve, but if I understand right the break is in a strange place. The hospital had to contact CS. It might be hard for a period of time, but remember its not that your guilty, it is that you son is innocent, that they are there for him.

Stay strong and it will work out. Also, if it comes to a temporary seperation, you have relative close correct? Talk to them about temporary placement.

[kellwolf]

Tracy, yeah. My parents are in town, and her parents are about an hour and a half south in Tupelo. If it came to temp placement, he'd probably be put with her parents. He lived there for 15 months before (with my wife there as well), both of them are retired, and both are home often.

As for the two weeks....who knows. The CS person I talked with today said "until the investigation is over." That could be next week, that could be months from now. Obviously, they couldn't give me a time frame. They asked for people they could contact as a reference for how Nessa is with Gavin. We gave them about twenty names, all either in Memphis or Tupleo with a couple of Orlando tossed in for good measure. They've got about 7 years of history right there, and a LOT of people that are personal witnesses to how she is with Gavin. Everyone we've contacted asking if we can give CS their number had the same reaction: "They said WHAT? That's crazy. Hell, yeah. Tell them to call me." Hopefully, after about the 10th in a row telling them there's no way in hell she would mistreat our child, they'll close the book on this. We do have an appointment with a geneticist for a potential bone structure issue, but the earliest we could get in on that was April the 23rd. If it stretches that long, someone's getting a call from my attorney......

[kellwolf]

Originally Posted by ChinookDriver

God... what a crappy situation. Wish ya the best!

So with the two-week thing: does that mean you can't work for two weeks?

Luckily, no. My mom can come over and babysit both Gavin and Nessa on the weekends. Being of lowly seniority, my days off are during the week anyway. The days during the week I DO have to fly, her mom can come up and babysit the dynamic duo. So, ironically, this actually opens up her availability at work. We figure if someone has to be there with her anyway, we might as well get some $$$ out of the deal.....

[MQAAord]

When I took our almost-two-year-old to the ER for his stitches a couple weeks ago, they asked me what happened in a couple different ways, I could tell they were 'feeling out' the situation to make sure he really had clocked his face on the coffee table and that I hadn't smacked him upside the head or something.

I hope this situation just works itself out for you. What an awful ordeal to have to go through.

[H46Bubba]

Kell, I'm glad Gavin is okay. I hate CPS. When we were living in Lake Mary, my oldest was had just turned three. My wife went outside to talk to our neigbor and he my son thought it was a good idea to lock the door. My wife didn't have her keys and got paniky. Instead of calling me at work (We lived about 7 miles from DCA) She broke one of our front window panes to open the window. This woman is at the pool across from our condo (she was the neighborhood nosey) had been watching the whole event and told my wife she would call the fire department to help. She called the police and told them to bring CPS with them. Stupid b###*! So the Seminole county Sherrifs Office shows up along with a CPS officer. My wife had been cleaning house, so things were a little messy. They asked to come in the house and check things out. They started the interrogation of my wife and asked tried to get her to admit that we left our son alone in the house all the time. My wife only stepped out tree feet from the front door. Of course they threated to remove my son from our residence, and that's when I get the call from my wife. I sped home to give my wife some back up. They leave without incident after 15 minutes of urging them to leave and threat of my lawyer being enroute.
After a week of "investigating" and going over the case file, CPS said they would close the case, but would do so if we volunteer to have a home visit once a week till they were satisfied. These visits went on for weeks at their convenience of time and day. My wife had to quit school and because she had to be at home at their beck and call. Finally my lawyer advised us that we had cooperated enough and that visits needed to stop. He filed a motion in the county court that CPS had no basis of wrong doing or suspected abuse and that CPS was badgering us trying to find something. The judge agreed and pretty much told CPS to cease and desist on the visits.
I think CPS is a vital department to protect children from abuse and harm, but sometimes they go overboard on innocent cases and don't investigate or let real cases of abuse slip through the cracks.

[kellwolf]

I don't mind them doing home vists. Hell, I'll serve them tea if they come over! And we never leave Gavin alone. The thing that's killing us is having to have a babysitter for Nessa. If they'd back off and say "Okay, we just wanna do home visits," I'm cool with that.....for about two or three weeks. After that, it's badgering and they're getting served.

[ComplexHiAv8r]

Originally Posted by kellwolf

I don't mind them doing home vists. Hell, I'll serve them tea if they come over! And we never leave Gavin alone. The thing that's killing us is having to have a babysitter for Nessa. If they'd back off and say "Okay, we just wanna do home visits," I'm cool with that.....for about two or three weeks. After that, it's badgering and they're getting served.

Is there somewhere else you could go to get Gavin checked out before the April date? I would be more concerned to see if my child had a medical issue that needs attention.

[kellwolf]

Originally Posted by ComplexHiAv8r

Is there somewhere else you could go to get Gavin checked out before the April date? I would be more concerned to see if my child had a medical issue that needs attention.

Talked to his pediatrician yesterday, and he said it's a SLIM chance that it's a genetics issue. He just wants to make sure, though. The appointment is with the LeBonheur Genetics team, which is the best in the city. Unfortunately for us, Gavin's issue isn't life threatening. If it's a genetics issue, it still will be in April. They have to see the kids that have more serious issues first, and I agree with that. The way the pediatrician describes dealing with CS is "It's like a game. It's not a game you can play to win, you just have to play by the rules and hope for a tie."

[kellwolf]

Alright, finally an update on the situation.

Took Gavin back to LeBonheur today for his 2 week check up, and things are healing nicely. They want to keep him in the cast for another 4 weeks just to make sure things are cool if he hits a growth spurt. The x-rays showed everything healing perfectly, and he should have the cast off on 3/8, the day after he turns 2.

Now for the drama......

The social worker from the hospital came in to talk to us about what was going on. About the ONLY people on the social worker side that I like right now are the ones on staff at the hospital. I can tell they don't like being put in the position they're in, whereas the CS people seem to get some perverse pleasure from it. Anyway, she asked if they had been by to spot check us, and was surprised when we said "No, we haven't heard from them in two weeks." They haven't called any of the 10 references we gave them, they haven't called his pediatrician and they haven't called any of the other doctors they said they were going to. There have been no surprise home visits, either. We're still waiting on the special car seat that was promised us, too. She said she was going to try some stuff on her end, and got the doctor to write a note saying that how we use the current car seat (with the LATCH system in the car, extra pillows, a person in the back and the seatbelt) is fine, just in case CS decided to get anal in the meantime.

So, we call CS to follow up. I was planning on doing this today after the appointment anyway. Turns out the lady handling our case is out of town, so we talk to the supervisor. We tell her "Look. You're not doing your job, no one has followed up with us, no one has done a home visit, and we want the 24/7 supervision lifted." Her response : "I'll get Ms. XXXX to call you on Tues." Us: "What about the supervision?" Her: "Well, that still stands." Us: "No it doesn't. If you can provide one good reason why it should, we'll agree. Otherwise, there's no reason to continue the supervision." Long story short, she couldn't, and Nessa no longer needs a babysitter. We're still subject to home visits, but I can live with that. They wouldn't find anything wrong anyway. The CS lady handling our case is supposed to by by on Tues. Originally, they wanted to supervision to go until our appointment with the genetics clinic on APRIL TWENTY-THIRD! No thanks, my parents have better things to do than babysit their perfectly capable daughter-in-law because it's easier for CS to not do anything until then.

Before I said I don't see how people slip through the cracks. Well, now I do.....

[amorris311]

wow! good for you to put your foot down and demand for real answers. i hope this all gets cleaned up and taken care of. gavin seems like a quick healer which is good! i wish i could heal that fast. best of luck with this and please keep us posted.

[ComplexHiAv8r]

Originally Posted by kellwolf

Before I said I don't see how people slip through the cracks. Well, now I do.....

You may or may not believe this, but during our Foster Parent training, we had to take a list of issues for a social worker and prioritize them, and then we were given the time for each, and guess what. You couldnt complete it all in a day. It was a training exercise for us, Foster Parents, to learn that we might not get a call back from our social worker on a kids issue if it was determine other priorities above us.

Welcome to the fun!

[Tim]

Given hell Steve. CS never handles the cases that really need to be taken care of. They go after the parents doing things right like you and Nessa.

Still making us ramp rats proud even though you were a white shirt with stripes...