Funny Things Kids Say

FlyChicaga · May 26th, 2006, 13:21

So this morning we are lounging around on the computers, watching TV and having breakfast. Well we tell our little guy to go play, and turn off the TV (we don't like TV much around here). He comes back like 10 minutes later, and asks, "Why is the TV off?" Well my girlfriend tells him, "Oh, it must have broke." What comes out of his mouth? "Yeah, this TV sucks!"

We had to tell him not to use that word, but it was hard because we were laughing so hard!

The other day a similar thing happened, when we told him to hang up his jacket I was told, "I'm not the maize." The maize? Yeah, he mean maid...

FlyingNole · May 26th, 2006, 16:28

Ha, sounds like you're raising a lil' me.

Shinerbock · May 26th, 2006, 23:07

Walkin into the H.E.B in Austin, my 3 year old points to the woman walking towards us, five feet away, and says "That woman is BIG!" uh yeah she was about 5'5" and 350#'s. Uh, yikes... what do you say to your kid? um, yeah well some people are fat, but pretend like you don't notice...
jees-us I was embarassed.
adios

JEP · May 26th, 2006, 23:38

A few weeks ago, my wife bought each of my boys their own kid-safe little knife for the dinner table.

Then last ngiht my wife uses one of the knives to cut a banana for herself and my 5 yr old gets mad and tells her, "hey, you can't use my mife, put it back".

Her response...."It's not your knife, there's nobody's name on it. Everyone can use it."

He disappears upstairs for 5 minutes.....then comes back downstairs with his knife. I asked him what is he doing? His response..."Nothing !"

He proceeds to run over to my wife and holds the knife in front her and says....."See, my name is on it now. You cannot use it anymore!" He went upstairs and wrote his name in marker on the knife. Too Funny!!

falconvalley · June 11th, 2006, 10:19

That's some very funny stuff!

When my brother had just turned 4 we were going to visit the Queen Mary in Cali (this was like almost 20 years ago). After my dad paid, my brother, who was already very observant, asked my dad why he didn't pay for him.

My dad said said "because you're free." My brother quickly snapped back "I'M NOT FREE I'M FOUR!!"

Screaming_Emu · June 19th, 2006, 16:37

a story my parents always tell about my older brother. Both my parents were in the kitchen, my brother comes in and asks my dad "can I have a cookie?" My dad says "dont look at me" (meaning 'ask your mother'). So apparently my brother turned completely 180 degrees and asked "can I have a cookie?"

Cherokee_Cruiser · June 22nd, 2006, 22:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlyChicaga

So this morning we are lounging around on the computers, watching TV and having breakfast. Well we tell our little guy to go play, and turn off the TV (we don't like TV much around here). He comes back like 10 minutes later, and asks, "Why is the TV off?" Well my girlfriend tells him, "Oh, it must have broke." What comes out of his mouth? "Yeah, this TV sucks!"

We had to tell him not to use that word, but it was hard because we were laughing so hard!

The other day a similar thing happened, when we told him to hang up his jacket I was told, "I'm not the maize." The maize? Yeah, he mean maid...

Whoa Chicaga I didn't know you had a kid!

Congrats!

Sounds like a nice lil' brat

TheWife · June 23rd, 2006, 22:46

A few weeks ago, while on the toilet, my son shouted in horror "MOM! My poop thinks I ate raisins today but I didn't!!"

BCTAv8r · June 24th, 2006, 17:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shinerbock

Walkin into the H.E.B in Austin, my 3 year old points to the woman walking towards us, five feet away, and says "That woman is BIG!" uh yeah she was about 5'5" and 350#'s. Uh, yikes... what do you say to your kid? um, yeah well some people are fat, but pretend like you don't notice...
jees-us I was embarassed.
adios

My brother is almost 4 and he did the same thing at Costco a couple of weeks ago. A very heavy man was behind us in line and my brother is like "Excuse me, why are you big?". "Mom, he ate eveything!". It was so freaking funny.

GrantHubbell · June 25th, 2006, 21:56

This is good, although its about my friends brother.

So they are driving to Florida and Mark (my buddies brother) says to his dad, "dad I have to go to the bathroom"

dad says "number 1 or number 2?"

Mark says "number 2!"

dad says "well then squeeze your cheeks!" (refering to butt cheeks)

a minute later dad looks back at mark and mark is squeezing his cheeks on his face! haha

LoadMasterC141 · June 26th, 2006, 17:47

Just a quick though for you starving regional FO's and CFI's:
Readers Digest pays money if they print stories like these. I believe they have a monthly column about funny family stuff. These stories certainly qualify.

I have made a few hundred bucks submitting stories to them over the years.

TheWife · June 28th, 2006, 10:44

At church the other day, my son introduced himself like this "My name is Caleb, but you can call me Batman."

falconvalley · July 2nd, 2006, 18:40

PGT · July 8th, 2006, 17:28

keep em coming , this is funny stuff.

ERJFly2013 · February 13th, 2007, 22:19

I remember when i was in kindergarten (long time ago) and my mom was driving me to school. We arrive, and she gets out of the car to get me out, and she shut her door, with the keys still inside. I decided I didn't want to go to school that day. So, when mommy got out of the car to get me, Cody decides to hit the "L" button. Oops.... What mom? The doors are locked? Oh.... um.... i don't.... know how that happened.... Mom wasn't happy with Cody that day. Consequently, Cody got to sit in his room the whole day.

I had no idea the "L" button locked the doors... mom...... honest....

Good Times

FL270 · February 20th, 2007, 08:54

I have no recollection of this incident, but my father swears it is true, and (as you might imagine) he was MORTIFIED.

The first couple years of my life, we lived in a rural area of Western New York that was ... not to be too non-PC ... bereft of any minorities. When I was about 3, we moved to Columbia, SC. Different story. So we're in the Piggly Wiggly one day, and I see a black man for the first time in my life. "Hey Mister, why'd you forget to wash your face?"

After that, we shopped at Food Lion.

skydriverdc6 · February 20th, 2007, 11:39

One day while I was cooking dinner, James bond was on tv. My two sons (4 & 6) came down stairs and just stood there watching James Bond fight all these bad guys, at the end of the movie, James hooks up with the girl as usual and they fall on the ground and start making out. My oldest son says "Ewwwwwwwww" and the younger yells at me as says "Theyre Eating Each Other"!!!

NotCoolEnufToFly · February 20th, 2007, 17:37

My neice, Gracie (the one in my avatar),and I hang out a lot with my roommate and her nephew. Last summer we decided to head to the lake with them. Just like her Aunt Pam, Gracie is a fish; she loves the water. My roommate's nephew... not so much. He really likes Gracie though and wanted her to come up to the shore with him and play. So I say, " Gracie, why don't you go play with Cooper a little?" And she says, "No, I don't want to, I don't like him." I told her that was not a nice thing to say and reassured her that he was a nice boy and wanted to know why she didn't like him, and she cleared that one up. "I don't like him; he can't swim." I couldn't get her to play with him the rest of the day because he couldn't swim.

ladi · February 21st, 2007, 09:47

One day last month, I was taking my 4 year old to preschool. It was a clear morning and the moon was still out. He looked up before we got in the car.he said "Oh Mom, look!" "What happened? The moon broke apart!"
It was a half moon. Trying to explain it didn't break was a difficult thing.

eastbayk · February 21st, 2007, 10:34

Some winners I have heard from my son (age 4) this past year-

"Hey look, my penis is carpet colored!"- we have a beige carpet

"Dad you should shave your chest and tummy so you look more like me"

"I don't know how that car got in the VCR, it must have wanted to drive in there"

"Dad, you need to grow a big pillow tummy like my other dad"- bio dad is on the husky side...

And then there was when we had to have the "how babies are made" talk...

K

NotCoolEnufToFly · February 21st, 2007, 10:42

I got my neice a life size Princess Genevieve Barbie from Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses for her 4th birthday. And she walked around with her all day calling her " Genevieve Darling." And at some point she walked up to my mom, who she calls Grandpa, and whispered in her ear, " Grandpa, is Genevieve Darling real like me?" It was so cute!

mtsu_av8er · February 21st, 2007, 14:07

I have discovered that if you kick them, they shut up.

Works for me . . .

MikeBurbank · June 24th, 2007, 15:02

Over the course of about a week my 4yr nephew(at the time) would say things like "the bastard said that dogs have momies too" or "the bastard said I was good today".

Well everytime he said that we would tell him not to talk like that and thats a bad word. His reply was "but thats his name".

Frustrated and confused his dad yelled "no one is named that - stop saying that or Im gonna spank you!".

After about a month he's picking him up from school and he points to a pastor and says "SEE!!!!!!!!!!! its the bastard!!"