Abusive relationship

[Maximillian_Jenius]

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Yes I understand that. But Tony is on a roll first attacking R2F now me. Saying that I created this thread to somehow satisy a sick deep dark desire for attention and drama.

So it kinda became about me (partly) with his insults and the constant insinuations that I have done nothing but sit back and allow this great injustice to continue.
Or that I have not taken anyones advice.
Whatever I can deal with it. What Tony and perhaps others are failing to see and understand is that I took the advice that was given here and have been greatful for it. I offered it to her and it was ignored by Vernetta what more can I do?

Yet the constant over all theme going on here is that I'm an ass. I will say again. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.
She (Vernetta) is more concerened with who her man is out effing while she is out at work then that of the safety of her or her own children.

She beat her brother up with a phone book. Stopped her cousin from helping her out of this situation. Calling the cops won't help. Because she isn't willing to press charges or leave Del Vagus.

She says he is an ass about 90% of the time and she waits,waits for that rare 10 percent of the time when he is civil to her. She thinks...hopes that she can change him and the situation will get better.

Everyone at work that is aware of her situation from her supervisor our department head and HR is concerned for her welfare.

Besides myself three of her other friends from work have been calling her trying desperately to reach her. Leaving messages on her voicemail with no reply.
Then today, Subrina a co-worker who herself is a domestic violence survivor tried to call her and her number has now been changed.

Anita her cousin has filed a police report.
The officer who took the report Anita told me said that they will investigate her claims. But that no crime has been commited and our words are mere hear say. The burden of truth lies with her.

In most cases the officer said (as I have said) the abused typically refuse to press charges against her abuser. Without any physical wounds or bruising they can only go on her (Vernetta's) word.
And her propensity to lie,cover up and make excuses for his action is blatently apparent.


-Matthew

Tony look at the above mentioned post. Then scroll back and look for said previous post and look at the date and time said post was posted:

December 20th,2005 23:51

The police have been called. A police report has been filed. If you think that I would would lie and say that the police were called just to apease you, me thinks your the one thats daft not me.

To answer you scenario. Yes I would pick the kid up against his protest and drive him to the authorities.

-Matthew

[mtsu_av8er]

My left pinky toe hurts . . .

[TonyC]

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Tony look at the above mentioned post. Then scroll back and look for said previous post and look at the date and time said post was posted:

December 20th,2005 23:51

The police have been called. A police report has been filed. If you think that I would would lie and say that the police were called just to apease you, me thinks your the one thats daft not me.

OK, if you want to play the timeline game, I can play along.


I'll even convert these to your time zone, so as not to confuse you.

Post #1 December 13th, 2005, 10:38:

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Hey...just wanted to get some quick advice from peeps in this forum.

...

A friend of mine ... is involved in a domestic violence situation with her current live in boyfriend.
...

... he was there choking her and punching her. He dragged her in to her room and preceeded to continue hititng her.
Then preceeded to sufficate her with a plastic bag.

...

... she is worried that if he goes through with his many threats and beat her again. As she said maybe next time to the death.

...

... she is just going to deal with him living there out of fear that he will hurt/kill her or her children and hope that one day soon he will just leave.

I told her he won't.

OK, that's where you began the thread, describing physical abuse, battery, and the threat of life to the woman and her children. When she told you she would wait for him to leave, you told her he won't leave.

You seemed to comprehend the seriousness of the situation, and seemed genuine in your request for advice.

Post #2 December 13th, 2005, 10:46:

Originally Posted by mtsu av8er

She needs to talk to the police and get him locked up.

Didn't take long for someone to come up with the idea of calling the police, did it?

Post #4 December 13th, 2005, 10:53:

Originally Posted by JEP

Plain and simple, the police need to be called.

...

Max, do your friend a favor and inform the police and other authorites.

Same advice. Except for Sprint100's advice to let Big Bubba do the work, the advice is unanimous so far.

Post #5 December 13th, 2005, 11:01:

Originally Posted by Sprint100

Only three ways to go about it......the police, Big Bubba, or deal with it until it's time to die. Sorry Max, but those are the cold hard facts.

Sprint100 gets a bit more serious, and it's unanimous - call the police.

Post #7 December 13th, 2005, 11:23:

Originally Posted by ajf005

Tell her if she needs the police to get there fast to call 911 dont say anything and hang up.

Post #8 December 13th, 2005, 11:30:

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Her friend Shannon ... says she has kids and a responsibility to her kids to protect them.

...

I'm kinda at my wits end with her and this situation. I want to do something but not sure what.

Here's where you publicly acknowledge that you recognize Vernetta's responsibility to the children, and you publicly acknowledge that you either have not been listening, or you refuse to take the advice of your friends - - the ones whom you asked for advice. Notice, no posts by me yet.

From the same post:

I told her I'd come down there and beat Del Vagus down for her I'm gay but maaaan I can scrap!

All talk, no action.
Post #9 December 13th, 2005, 11:30:

Originally Posted by theShortOne

Matt,
help her find a battered women's shelter in the area that she and her kids can go to. There is a national abuse hotline number that will help her out - 1800-799-SAFE they can help her find a shelter ...

Same theme ...




USMCMech agrees: Post #10 December 13th, 2005, 11:34

SteveC suggests The National Domestic Violence Hotline. and includes a link: [u]Post #11[/u[] December 13th, 2005, 11:36

Stevel agrees: Post #12 December 13th, 2005, 14:30

Kristie says, "just get her outta there..." : Post #13 December 13th, 2005, 15:49

FatBastard says, "Tell her to call the cops ..." Post #15 December 13th, 2005, 17:21

stuckingfk says, "... call the police and move the woman away from the situation." Post #17 December 13th, 2005, 22:41

Kristie suggested your Employee Assistance Program: [u]Post #18[/u[] December 13th, 2005, 22:53



The next day, in Post #19 (December 14th, 2005, 12:27), you tell us about your attempts to counsel her, and inform us that the abuse is still continuing -- she was threatened the previous night. Furthermore, the situation has worsened, because she now has no place to escape and nobody to look for her when she doesn't show up for work, since she's now on a leave of absence.


The situation is worse, the advice is consistent, and you refuse the advice.


Post #20 December 14th, 2005, 11:30:

Originally Posted by Kristie

something's not adding up..

Yeah, I agree. But I still did not comment. (How is this fitting your "Tony attacked Max" theory?)

seagull casts his vote for her using the system, the assistance for women:
Post #21 December 14th, 2005, 15:04


How many kids is she responsible for, how many souls are at stake?
Post #22 December 14th, 2005, 16:22:

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

She is 31 yrs. old and has five kids.

And you've still done nothing to help her or the five kids - - nothing.

Kristie:
Post #23 December 14th, 2005, 17:13:

Originally Posted by Kristie

I think the only people that can help her at this point is a domestic shelter and the cops!

Finally, I can't remain silent any longer.
Post #24 December 14th, 2005, 19:20:

Originally Posted by TonyC

You've already been given the correct answer - - why are you prolonging the conversation with the woman? You're not doing her any favors by talking to her, texting with her, comforting her, etc. You've already established that he is a threat to her safety - - no more details are required, or even relevant.



TELL HER TO CALL THE SHELTER!

NO MORE DELAYS!


Tell her to call the shelter, GO to the shelter, and don't call you back unless it's FROM the shelter.


There she will have resources available to best deal with her specific circumstances.


Wanna do her a favor? Call the cab.

Now, how you could construe that as an attack on you is beyond me. I consider it to be very direct advice, but not personal in the least, and not even close to being an attack.


SteveC agrees, "Tony and Kristie are right." (Post #25 December 14th, 2005, 19:37)


And then a day and a half go by with no updates from you. 40 hours.

Doug Taylor agrees, "There is a wide variety of options available for her and she needs to take advantage of that before she gets killed." (Post #27 December 16th, 2005, 11:58)


Another 12 hours transpires, and Kristie offers you resources from a professional, including links to shelters, law enforcement, and educational resources for battered women:
Post #29 December 16th, 2005, 23:24:

Originally Posted by Kristie

One of the lady's over at PF (PilotFamilies.com) had this to say:
--
Hi Kristie,

I saw the thread on JC about domestic violence. Here's info to pass along:

http://phoenix.gov/POLICE/dvlear1.html

http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/AZ.HTM

http://www.law.arizona.edu/depts/clinics/dvc/

http://www.azag.gov/victims_rights/D...nce/index.html

Finally, we hear from you again, (Post #30, December 17th, 2005, 11:34) now some 67 hours since your last report. After receiving the same advice over and over, and being encouraged to have her seek shelter, after being given links to outstanding resources, all you can talk about is her having a baby with the loser, and birth control.

No report of having contacted authorities.


Another 36 hours go by with no posts from anyone, and Kristie asks (Post #31, December 18th, 2005, 23:09), "so? did you get the to her so she can get out of there or are you continuing to just sit there and listen?"


Your answer:
Post #32 December 19th, 2005, 00:11:

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Well since you ask if you remember when I said that she called me back when Vagus was in the shower. That was the last time I spoke with her. Since then she hasn't been answering my calls or text. The last time I called her phone a mans voice answered and said "stop calling here she can't talk to you no more...click."

So I'm done...more or less. After talking to her cousin and her other friends at work they also haven't heard from her in a good week. So she is now completely under his control. Completely cut off from anyone and everyone. So yea I'm done more or less.

So, let's get this straight. Your "friend" is in a dangerous situation along with her five children where she fears for her life, and where she has been beaten and suffocated, and now nobody has heard from her in a week, except for you. (You said she called you at lunch just five days ago, see Post #22, December 14th, 2005, 16:22.)

Now, it's not out of an abundance of care or concern about your personal welfare that I felt compelled to interject my opinion in the matter. I don't know you from Adam, and have no desire to meet you. Don't take that as a compliment or an insult, it's neutral. But you did lead us all to believe that a woman and her children ARE at risk of bodily harm, and that you have done nothing to help her, and now you're just going to walk away from your so-called friend.

That is foolishness.

Again, you received this advice, this simple instruction, this tiny little thing that you could do to help her, to help her children, to avoid a death, perhaps six deaths.

Post #33 December 19th, 2005, 07:12:

Originally Posted by TonyC

Call the police - - 9-1-1 - - the woman needs help.








Drop the mouse, and pick up the phone - - NOW.

Kristie again agrees:
Post #36 December 19th, 2005, 12:53:

Originally Posted by Kristie

... at least go in, with her family, to the police station to talk to them about the best options...

If anything, the police could stop by, check on her.. handcuff him in a car while they're talking to her so that she doesn't feel "at risk"...if anyone can get her & the kids to a domestic violence shelter, it'd be them! that'd be her first step.. and then she could have the shelter help with everything else....

the least that can be done is a police checkup...
then again, for all you know, that man's voice saying "stop calling here she can't talk to you no more".. might mean he already killed her...but someone's gotta worry about the kids in the picture here!! even if *she* is a lost cause.. someone's got to help the kids!

the least that should be done is a police check up on her and the kids!

[EDIT: emphasis added]

Then you start objecting to my use of the word moron, comparing it to ready2fly's calling me a jackass, and offer nothing but lame excuses as to why you won't pick up the phone and call 911. (Post #38, December 19th, 2005, 13:27) "I have done all I that I can," you proclaim.

NO, you haven't. All you've done is talk to her, and walk away.

No mention of calling the police, or helping anyone fill out a police report.

Sprint100 agrees with me - - even though my approach was blunt:
Post #39 December 19th, 2005, 17:20):

Originally Posted by Sprint100

Personally, I'd wipe my hands clean after I called the police.

...

At least it would be documented, in case she came to her senses later or had to really call the police herself, he'd be taken care of.

...

She got you involved and I would call the cops whether she liked it or not. Plus, a life is at least worth a phone call.

[EDIT: Emphasis added]

Your response Post #40, December 19th, 2005, 18:36):
[paraphrase]

Y'all just don't understand.

I don't know enough to call the police.

Besides, the guy that might kill her is on probation and in anger management classes.

My conscious is clear

[/paraphrase]

Did I miss a part in there where you called the police, or helped file a police report? Didn't think so.




December 19th, 2005, 22:05, Post #43: Doug Taylor advises, "Help her get the ball rolling... Enough talky, bro!"

You respond with more excuses about how and why you can't call the police (Post #44, December 20th, 2005, 01:06):

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

...I'm not sure what to do, ...

So I'm at a loss as to what I could do ...

... unsure how to best help her by calling the police, ...

What do I say ... [?]

Hey, Jenius, listen up to what everyone has been telling you - - call the police!

NO? I see, you still aren't convinced that calling the police is a good idea, and you certainly have not done it.

JEP gives you a suggestion as to how to get her address (Post #45, December 20th, 2005, 01:44).

I even told you what to tell the 911 operator, with no more information than what you've already told us, and two other details to which you are privy and we are not, her Cell Phone number, and her place of employment. (Post #46, December 20th, 2005, 08:05).

For that, you called me an ass. You told us again about Del Vagus's record of violence, and repeated your objection to calling the police.


I gotta tell you, Jenius, if I knew who this woman was, I'd just forward the Police Department a copy of this thread and let them take it from there. The frustrating thing here is that YOU are the one that has the critical information, and YOU are the one who refuses to put it to good use. Unfortunately, we have to deal with the drama queen.


Now Kristie has a change of heart for some reason. (Post #49, December 20th, 2005, 11:09) Don't do anything, she advises, because anything you do might get the woman in more trouble. There's noting you can do, she warns. And nothing is exactly what you're content to do.

Sprint disagrees with Kristie, (Post #50, December 20th, 2005, 12:19), advising that until somebody calls the cops, he "wouldn't chill just yet."

Originally Posted by Sprint100

No way I'd sit by the wayside and let family, even a homie, get abused like that. So many folks allowing this to go on. Whoever has her contact info/adress/ whatever needs to call the cops or have somebody go down their to put in work on Vegas or Valley or whatever his name is.

Your response? An ATC clearance, and more excuses as to why you can't or won't call the cops. (Post #51, December 20th, 2005, 13:02) Any hint here that you've called the cops or helped file a police report? Nope.

Again, in (Post #56, December 20th, 2005, 15:47), you repeat your objection to the idea of calling the police, and add your fear that you could be arrested for filing a false police report.

Oh, really? If you report facts, how could that be a false report? You have been telling the truth, haven't you, Jenius?


bunghole says, "Stop Playing Counselor!" (Post #59 December 20th, 2005, 17:50):

Originally Posted by bunghole

Listen

This is not a situation where advice from you should be given to a sick mother. Its apparent the children that live in her house are in danger as well Its your moral obligation to call the police immediately as n 'NOW' and explain what you know. This at least would get the children removed from this horrific situation. No more time should we wasted on posting the details of her perverted lifestyle that physically and mentally threatens her children.

Do the right thing and call!



[EDIT: Emphasis added.]

pullup, employing the linguistic tool of sarcasm, agrees (Post #60 December 20th, 2005, 21:17):

Originally Posted by pullup

Who votes for "Do nothing and say 'I'm sorry' to her at her funeral?"

As of December 20th, 2005, 22:59 (Post #61) you are still adamant in your refusal to call the police. You demand an apology from me, and you cite your mommy's advice as a reason to take no action. You claim Doug and Kristie as character witnesses, even though you ignored their previous advice.

Have you called the police yet? Not that we can tell.

Kristie tries to help you focus on the important party of this discussion, Vernetta. (Post #62, December 20th, 2005, 23:17) All you can do is whine about how "Tony attacked R2F and now he attacked meeeee." (Post #63, December 20th, 2005, 23:51) You admit that you have taken no one’s advice.

And then you mention, "Anita her cousin has filed a police report."

Did you call the police? No. Did you file the report? No. Did you help file the report? No.

Anita did it. Well, at least someone seems to be interested in the woman's welfare.

Post #64, December 21st, 2005, 00:32: You refuse bunghole's advice (Do the right thing and call) by citing the expertise of your college student sister and social worker cousin. No, I got that wrong. Your social worker cousin didn't give you advice, because you didn't talk to her. It's just HAVING that cousin that makes you smart, right? No, it was your college student sister that gave her expert opinion of what the police would do.

Keep the family together, she advises.

Yeah, as long as the asphyxiation is only partial, not permanent.




Post #66, December 21st, 2005, 11:01 (about 17 hours ago): More excuses, more rationale, more "why I refuse to take the advice of practically everyone that has responded to this thread where I asked for advice." Again, you inform us that you "stopped giving advice..." and ''[w]ashed [your] hands and feel [your} conscious is clear."

Yeah, you mentioned that the "police have been called" and a "report has been filed." Interesting verb tense, there, Jenius. If you don't think we know the difference between "I called the police" and "the police were called", then you take us for idiots. You did not call the police.

Furthermore, if you had called the police, I am absolutely convinced that you would have posted, "OK, so like I called the police, and they like asked me what I wanted, and I like told them about this girl, and they like wanted to know more..." Either there would have been a desirable outcome from the phone call, or there would have been an undesirable outcome. Either way, I am sure that you would have been keen to report it. Now to attempt to sneak it in as a passive voice mention is ridiculous and unbelievable. You didn't fool me.

You still refuse to call the police.


Another attempt by me to be clear:Post #70, December 21st, 2005, 14:03:

Originally Posted by TonyC

DIAL 9 1 1

Post #71, December 21st, 2005, 15:28: More protests, and an "Oh, didn't you read back there where I told you the police were called?" Yeah, right. 4 1/2 hours earlier you snuck in a passive voice mention of a call to the police, which you didn't make. No, sorry, Jenius, that doesn't count.

Post #73, December 21st, 2005, 17:25: The story gets better as the day goes on

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

I have been there for Vernetta ... And finally assisting her cousin Anita in calling the police and filing a police report ...

...

I ... called the police ...

See above. First the phone call was made, then you helped Anita make the phone call, and now you made the phone call yourself.

Sorry. Your story simply does not hold water.

(That's also an accurate summary of my response, Post #75, December 22nd, 2005, 05:14)




Now, what part of the timeline have I missed?

The drama has gone on for over 9 days, and only in the last 17 hours have you mentioned something about a phone call, then changed the mention to your helping, and then a claim that you made a phone call.


Bull.






.

[pullup]

Man, did you have off of work today? That post took some hella-work to do

[Maximillian_Jenius]

Tony...seriously dude frack off I am completely and utterly tired of your fracking pious crap. This thread no matter my hesitation to take advice was and still about Vernetta and the safety of her children.Yet as of late you have gone out of your way ,above and beyond the call of duty and almost delighted turning this thread into some immature pissing contest between you and me.

A game that I am no longer willing to play.

I don't know what sick pleasure that you get out of posting your constant barage of insults against me concerning the safety of my friend.
So I didn't take the advice of everyone on this board at first. At the time I felt it wouldn't help her situation. Guess what it hasn't. As she is still there with Vagus possibly being abused in simply unimagable ways. The we may never know because she choose to cut of contact with her friends and family.

You call me a fracking drama queen. But you want me to somehow justify and prove my actions to you. Frack that and frack you dude. I don't know who the frack that you fracking think that I am that I have to justify any fracking think to you.

I SAID THAT I ASSISTED ANITA IN CALLING THE FRACKING POLICE AND FILING A FRACKING POLICE REPORT. Fracking believe it or not I don't fracking give a frack, you frack.

Why do you further insist on the constant name calling and the pious pissing match. When I clearly stated that I finally assited in helping this women, my friend who either can't or won't seek justice for herself and her children. What is your point? Do you care more about putting me down and being right, then getting this women out of potentially life threathening situation.

If you answer no. I'd have to disagree and say that your actions as of late prove otherwise. As soon as I stated that the police had been called. Whether you believed I assisted in the act or not our immature fued should have ended.

During the course of you entering this thread you have taken it downhill. I will freely admit that I contributed as well but no more. You claim that you also have Vernetta's best interest at heart yet you only seem to delight in pointing out my "wrongs" and calling me names.
Others have disagreed with my hesitation to call the police into this situation but none have gone the immature pious route that you have by calling me names and making character assination comments toward me.

Yet you call me a drama queen,moron and an idiot. I understand that you originally came over from flightinfo.com and the way that you have represented yourself in this thread is commonplace there.

Do me a favor and keep my fracking name outa your fracking mouth and I will do the same. I don't like you or respect you in anyway. In your short tenure here at Jetcareers you have done nothing but caused petty fights,arguements and bickering with members in good standing on this board and contributed little or nothing to Jetcareers.

Lastly DO NOT belittle the accomplishments of my family.

If you persist with your constant petty immature barage of insults and bickering toward me. I will be forced to have a moderator intervene on my behalf. I have been on JC since 2003 and never,never have I dispised or loathed someone so fowl so much as I do you. And that is unfortunate as anyone who knows me knows that my feelings of utter disgust toward you are not natural of my normally upbeat positive sarcastic fun-loving persona.


-Matthew

[TonyC]

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

... frack off ... fracking ... crap.




As she is still there with Vagus possibly being abused in simply unimagable ways.



... fracking ... Frack that ... frack you ... who the frack ... fracking ... fracking ...


... FRACKING ... FRACKING ... Fracking ..fracking give a frack, you frack.

... fracking ... fracking ...


If you persist with your constant petty immature barage of insults and bickering toward me. I will be forced to have a moderator intervene on my behalf.

I must say, you do not represent JetCareers well in this post. Call a moderator?!?! HA! It appears to me they already know about this thread. I would think that if they'll approve of all your fracking, they must allow the words moron and idiot. Now, what were you saying about FlightInfo? And my contributions on JetCareers? Did you contribute to the discussion on atmospheric models?


Once again, it's not about you, Jenius, and it's not about me. It's about Vernetta and her kids, and you still admit she is likely being abused, and that her life is at risk.


Why don't you give the name, cell phone number, and place of employment to someone you trust here on JetCareers, and let them make the phone call? All they need to do is print out this thread and turn it over to the authorities. Then your hands and conscience will be clean.



I'd hate to think of what the family would think were they to read this thread after Vernetta's funeral, to know that someone knew she was in danger, and didn't give her the help she needed.



.

[TonyC]

Originally Posted by pullup

Man, did you have off of work today? That post took some hella-work to do

Yeah, I guess you could say I'm passionate about human life.





.

[jtrain609]

Tony,


Listen man, I've been known to be a prick before, and I'll admit it when I am; but you're taking this way too far. Back up off dude.

[Maximillian_Jenius]

**Update**

The police came out to the house last night to investigate the report filed. Vernetta lied to the police to protect Vagus because of his prior conviction for domestic violence/assult.

The police sensing she was lying ran Vagus name/SSN through the system and he had an outstanding warrant for failure to appear in court. So he is in jail for the Christmas holiday weekend.

She told told the officer that the report was filed by a jealous girlfriend trying to maliously hurt him. So he knows that she has been talking to people and called her from jail and said "its on when he gets out."

Anita said that Vernetta is absolutely heated that she and I did that (as she said) behind her back and hates both of us. She said that we selfishly did that not at all considering her or her childrens safety when he gets out and is scared that he is going to kill her when he gets out.

Anita said she was going to go over there on lunch and again try to convince her to leave before he gets out. Vernetta drove over there after he was arrested last night to confront Anita. She said that during their knock out dragout fight at her house she tried to get her to pack up her stuff and leave but said that she was unwilling to leave. Saying that Vernetta was more interested in smoothing things over with Vagus when he gets out and reassuring him that she played no part in having the police called out to her house and him gettng arrested.

She said that running would only mean she was guilty, cause guilty people have to run and hide but she isn't guilty so she feels no need to run and hide.

*Disclaimer*

Not posting this as a sort of ha ha ha told you so or to be a drama queen as I have been called. Just giving people updates About Vernetta as JC support for her and her situation has been phenominal and you all seem to geniuenly care for her and her kids safety & well being.

-Matthew

[MQAAord]

I sure wish she'd take this opportunity to seek safety.

[Sprint100]

Originally Posted by MQAAord

I sure wish she'd take this opportunity to seek safety.

She'd wish she had, when she tries to smooth things over with that knucklehead.

Regarding that told you so comment this is really "showing her the light", better than any past attempts at "showing her the light". Especially if he does something to her after he gets out, providied she doesn't leave. Its all part of helping somebody out and helping should always be done. Sometimes, people don't know how to ask for help or pretend they don't help and kick and scream even though your helping, ie. kids. All in all, this is the best thing anybody could have done for her aside from what she can do for herself.

P.S. - Bringing up the told you so idea was the most childish thing in this thread if you ask me. I find it funny that people say I didnt wanna say I told you so, but....

[Maximillian_Jenius]

Originally Posted by Sprint100

She'd wish she had, when she tries to smooth things over with that knucklehead.

Regarding that told you so comment this is really "showing her the light", better than any past attempts at "showing her the light". Especially if he does something to her after he gets out, providied she doesn't leave. Its all part of helping somebody out and helping should always be done. Sometimes, people don't know how to ask for help or pretend they don't help and kick and scream even though your helping, ie. kids. All in all, this is the best thing anybody could have done for her aside from what she can do for herself.

P.S. - Bringing up the told you so idea was the most childish thing in this thread if you ask me. I find it funny that people say I didnt wanna say I told you so, but....

Well it should and at least for me has never been about "told ya so." Its always been about helping this women and her children out of a tight spot. I'll admit that I got and still am frustrated by the entire situation with Vernetta.
But she apparently isn't talking to me even though her number has been changed and I don't have the new one. I say whatever...But at least (maybe) her and her kids might now have a nice *normal* christmas!

-Matthew

[SteveC]

Matthew, this lady needs help. Both to protect her, and to protect her kids.

She is in way over her head, and doesn't see any way out, so she is trying desperately to make it work with this jerk. She is going to get herself, and maybe her kids, seriously hurt or even dead. She acts like she doesn't want help, because all that she can think is that she will lose the one that *loves* her. She doesn't understand that there is a better life out there, she can only see the loss and the down side and the bad things that might happen if she leaves this guy.

What she needs to know is that there is hope, and a place of safety, and that her life will be better without him. She really, really needs to hear that from the people that can truly help her. She needs to talk to the people at the domestic abuse agency, because they will understand what she is going through, why she feels the way that she does, and they will know how to show her the way out of her situation.

I am not an expert in this field. The people at the domestic abuse agencies, or the womens' shelters are experts. Please, please get with Anita and the two of you call one of the agencies, tell them the situation, and ask them what they think that you should do. They deal with these things every day. They understand the position that Vernetta is in. They can help by giving good, practical advice to you guys, and hopefully find a way to get Vernetta out of this.

Don't let Vernetta's anger get in the way of doing the right thing. Of course she is going to be angry, all she can think of is that she is going to lose *her man*. She is too emotionally involved to really understand that there is hope, and a way out. Help her to find the way out. Before it is too late.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline.





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[Sprint100]

Originally Posted by SteveC

Matthew, this lady needs help. Both to protect her, and to protect her kids.

She is in way over her head, and doesn't see any way out, so she is trying desperately to make it work with this jerk. She is going to get herself, and maybe her kids, seriously hurt or even dead. She acts like she doesn't want help, because all that she can think is that she will lose the one that *loves* her. She doesn't understand that there is a better life out there, she can only see the loss and the down side and the bad things that might happen if she leaves this guy.

What she needs to know is that there is hope, and a place of safety, and that her life will be better without him. She really, really needs to hear that from the people that can truly help her. She needs to talk to the people at the domestic abuse agency, because they will understand what she is going through, why she feels the way that she does, and they will know how to show her the way out of her situation.

I am not an expert in this field. The people at the domestic abuse agencies, or the womens' shelters are experts. Please, please get with Anita and the two of you call one of the agencies, tell them the situation, and ask them what they think that you should do. They deal with these things every day. They understand the position that Vernetta is in. They can help by giving good, practical advice to you guys, and hopefully find a way to get Vernetta out of this.

Don't let Vernetta's anger get in the way of doing the right thing. Of course she is going to be angry, all she can think of is that she is going to lose *her man*. She is too emotionally involved to really understand that there is hope, and a way out. Help her to find the way out. Before it is too late.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
.

Great advice, Steve. The experts are needed!!!!!!!!!!

[Aero_Engineer]

She has to call the police, that is the grounds for any further action. For example` if she wants to get a restraining order against him there is no way a court will take action unless there is a police report present concerning the same exact case.
Calling the police also helps bringing awarness from the neighbors so if anyone has the guts may even help her if God forbis something bad is bound to happen.

[Kristie]

Anita should just pick her up and instead of trying to get her to pack her things... just take her over to a shelter so they can talk some sense into this woman!!!

forget the "stuff"...they're just materials...

[mpenguin1]

Max

Aside from getting the Police involved & calling a womans shelter for advise, there are not many other options.

I will say one thing though, DO NOT GET INVOVLED, meaning, do not do the macho man thingy & kick the guy's arse, that would get you in some serious trouble & involved in the drama.

You may suggest your friend get some counseling in the future when things have quieted down, you said she was in an abusive relationship before, some women seek out these type of relationships....

[Sprint100]

Originally Posted by mpenguin1

I will say one thing though, DO NOT GET INVOVLED, meaning, do not do the macho man thingy & kick the guy's arse

You just took the fun out of the whole thing