Marriage Pressure... - Page 2

TheShortOne · July 20th, 2004, 16:44

I agree with what MQAA said, and like Nagua said, for me it is more of a declaration of love with the family friends and all that, but also like i said before, it gives a bunch of other rights such as next of kin and tax stuff (dont' really know about that one) but for me, The next of kin and power of attorney type of stuff are important because with John's health history if something should happen to him, I want to know what is going on and (in the future) have some say in his treatment if he is not able to make decisions for himself. The religious part of marriage i could take it or leave it, but like amber said, to me marriage is much more than a legal contract, it showes that we both love and care about eachother, know that there is no one else in the world for either of us and are willing to declare that for all to hear. To me (personally) it shows a deeper level of committment. Besides, if you're in such a committed relationship that it's like being married, where is the hesitation coming from in actually getting married? Again, (to me) this signifies a lower level of committment, or maybe an uncertainty within the relationship (as in, there might be someone better out there) because if you're already that committed, why not get married?

hope that made some sense...

Doug Taylor · July 20th, 2004, 16:47

Pilot602, you could right a suspense novel about your marriage experience! Just put it in Spanish and on Galavision!

pilot602 · July 20th, 2004, 17:01

[ QUOTE ]
Pilot602, you could right a suspense novel about your marriage experience! Just put it in Spanish and on Galavision!

[/ QUOTE ]

Hell throw fabio on the cover and every girl/chick/woman/female on this board would probably buy it up, and be crying inside an hour!

hmmmm .... this = solution to being poor? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[/jokeatexpenseofself]

Doug Taylor · July 20th, 2004, 17:02

Maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme -- after all, you're both accomplished martial artists.

cargopusher · July 20th, 2004, 17:05

I saw a quote once that said " the marriage certificate is what holds you together while you fall in and out of love" - I think it's true!! Just a romantic though.... I also saw an interview w/ a couple that had reached their 50+ anniversary and the woman was asked if she ever thought about divorce and she replied, " divorce never, but murder occasionally!!" Pretty funny!!

MQAAord · July 20th, 2004, 17:55

[ QUOTE ]

Hell throw fabio on the cover and every girl/chick/woman/female on this board would probably buy it up, and be crying inside an hour!

hmmmm .... this = solution to being poor? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[/jokeatexpenseofself]

[/ QUOTE ]

Not this one! I detest sappy chick books.

pilot602 · July 20th, 2004, 18:05

Try living one (sappy chick book) for a few years ...

mtsu_av8er · July 20th, 2004, 18:05

[ QUOTE ]
Besides, if you're in such a committed relationship that it's like being married, where is the hesitation coming from in actually getting married? Again, (to me) this signifies a lower level of committment, or maybe an uncertainty within the relationship (as in, there might be someone better out there) because if you're already that committed, why not get married?

[/ QUOTE ]

Not a lower level of commitment, at all!!

I'm just hearing (from everybody - it's the basis of most folks' argument. . .) that that the biggest reason to be married, aside from the religious aspect, is the financial one. It's a way to "tie the other person in" so that your partner "can't just walk away...". And that's cool, too - I guess. It's almost as if it's an insurance policy for some, kind of a "I'm not going to put anymore into this relationship if I can't guarantee a return on my investment . . ." type of thing.

Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe I'm just overly defensive about it. Maybe I just need to stop my whining and conform a little bit - give up this battle!!

jtrain609 · July 20th, 2004, 18:20

Just give up man, it'll make your life super easier

mtsu_av8er · July 20th, 2004, 18:30

[ QUOTE ]
Just give up man, it'll make your life super easier

[/ QUOTE ]

I know it....

TheShortOne · July 20th, 2004, 18:33

i guess i'm more curious, why don't you want to get married? You've been asking why should you, but my question to you is, why shouldn't you?

JEP · July 20th, 2004, 18:35

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe I just need to stop my whining and conform a little bit - give up this battle!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Well you know....Aren't the both of you making it out for Network JC? I hear they have these chapels all over the place. Things that make you say Hmmm !!

music · July 20th, 2004, 18:35

[ QUOTE ]
I've been divorced before, and it takes $400 and 30 days - plus 8 signitures and a Notary's seal - to end it. I understand that marriage is a commitment, but it's not like a recording contract.

[/ QUOTE ]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh god that was hillarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mtsu_av8er · July 20th, 2004, 18:44

[ QUOTE ]
i guess i'm more curious, why don't you want to get married? You've been asking why should you, but my question to you is, why shouldn't you?

[/ QUOTE ]

Not that I don't want to - I just don't understand why we have to get married.

We were talking about it one night and she said that alot of people consider marriage to be the act that officiates the relationship. I'm assuming that she feels that way.

So, my question : Does a married couple have a bigger connection to one another? Are they more committed? If that's yes, then in what way are you more committed? Are you able to see other people until the marriage date? Do we not have to share everything until that date? You know, I'd end my resistance if that waas the case. I'd be ready to move on if there was something that we'd have by being married that we don't have now.

If we already have everything that a married couple would have, what exactly is the driving force?

mtsu_av8er · July 20th, 2004, 18:47

[ QUOTE ]

Well you know....Aren't the both of you making it out for Network JC? I hear they have these chapels all over the place. Things that make you say Hmmm !!

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, we'll be there, and there's the slight possibility that I'll be forming an ad hoc wedding party at network JC!!!! However, she's not as keen on that. First, he friends and family won't be there, and second, she got married on Sept 24th the first time I believe and the honeymoon was in Vegas....

Gives her a bad feeling!!

JEP · July 20th, 2004, 18:57

[ QUOTE ]
she got married on Sept 24th the first time I believe and the honeymoon was in Vegas.... Gives her a bad feeling!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Ooh ! Bad Karma

TheShortOne · July 20th, 2004, 19:07

i don't think a married couple is necissariliy more committed to eachother per se, but i do think not being married makes it easier to walk away when things get really bad instead of trying to work them out (but that depends like all of this, on the people involved). How about things like next of kin, being able to sign her kid's school forms (unless you can do that now, but up here it has to be parent/guardian of the kid) or what if, heaven forbid, something really bad should happen to her and her parents want to keep her on life support but you know she wouldn't want that and want her to be taken off (or whatever her wishes would be) as a husband you have precedent over the parents because you are considered to be closer to her. Then you can file joint taxes claim eachother's children as dependants and other fun gov't related things like that

But like i said before, for me it's more of a public declaration of committment/love for family/friends. Perhaps are you dragging your feet because you went through a messy divorce before and are afraid you might have to do that again? (dunno, just askin and you don't have to answer if it's too personal)

ok that's all from me now

mtsu_av8er · July 20th, 2004, 19:21

I understand all of the things you're saying, but a power of attorney can do just about any of those things! The taxes - well, My daughter lives with her Mom, so that's a non-issue.. She's already getting my life insurance money if I should croak...

My last divorce was really clean and easy! My ex and I are still friends and there was no fighting whatsoever! I'm not even worried about a dirty, bitter divorce.

Who knows...I think I need therapy!!!

TheShortOne · July 20th, 2004, 19:35

ya i agree

i have no idea then...it's just something women like to do...get all dressed up spend lots of money and have a big party

i guess to me it seems like marriage is the ultimate thing you can offer someone, not that you can't have the same level of commitment...but i don't know...i can't explain what i mean

mtsu_av8er · July 20th, 2004, 19:43

[ QUOTE ]

i have no idea then...it's just something women like to do...get all dressed up spend lots of money and have a big party

[/ QUOTE ]

Finally, someone came right out and said it....

TheShortOne · July 20th, 2004, 20:46

SteveC · July 20th, 2004, 21:37

Adding marriage onto a relationship is like adding "esprit de corps" to a friendship. It's just one more level to the relationship. It's hard to define sometimes, and difficult to explain where the depth of commitment comes from.

Think about your commitment to your childhood best friend growing up: he was your best buddy and you'd do "anything" for him. Compare that to the commitment to fellow Marines. Where you'd really do anything for them.

Marriage can (or at least should) do the same thing for a relationship. When those difficult times come (and they always will), that extra level of personal commitment that marriage brings to the table is somehow like the commitment that you have to fellow Marines in combat.

When things are really bad, that extra level of personal commitment is what can help carry you through when you really don't want to. You will not only go the extra mile, but carry the other person while you do....

[/goofy metaphor]

TheWife · July 20th, 2004, 23:08

Ooooh I like that!

mtsu_av8er · July 20th, 2004, 23:12

Rhetoric....

music · July 21st, 2004, 03:01

The answers are in your own text my man.

"SHE doesnt want to because HER friends and family wont be there."

She wants to feel like its official, for her AND her friends and family... There is nothing wrong with that most people are like that but thats your reason why.

I have a feeling you already know that though. That leads me to this.

[ QUOTE ]

"So, my question : Does a married couple have a bigger connection to one another? Are they more committed? If that's yes, then in what way are you more committed?"

[/ QUOTE ]

The answer to that question is the same as the answer to this question "Why dont you want to get married if its only $400, 8 signatures, and a notary?"

Whatever is making you hold back is what scares her and wants you to put aside. You just gotta decide if thats what YOU want.

July 20th, 2004, 16:44	#26
TheShortOne Old Skool Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Park City, UT Posts: 3,602	Re: Marriage Pressure... I agree with what MQAA said, and like Nagua said, for me it is more of a declaration of love with the family friends and all that, but also like i said before, it gives a bunch of other rights such as next of kin and tax stuff (dont' really know about that one) but for me, The next of kin and power of attorney type of stuff are important because with John's health history if something should happen to him, I want to know what is going on and (in the future) have some say in his treatment if he is not able to make decisions for himself. The religious part of marriage i could take it or leave it, but like amber said, to me marriage is much more than a legal contract, it showes that we both love and care about eachother, know that there is no one else in the world for either of us and are willing to declare that for all to hear. To me (personally) it shows a deeper level of committment. Besides, if you're in such a committed relationship that it's like being married, where is the hesitation coming from in actually getting married? Again, (to me) this signifies a lower level of committment, or maybe an uncertainty within the relationship (as in, there might be someone better out there) because if you're already that committed, why not get married? hope that made some sense...

July 20th, 2004, 16:47	#27
Doug Taylor Agent Smith Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: KSDL Posts: 41,928 Blog Entries: 1	Re: Marriage Pressure... Pilot602, you could right a suspense novel about your marriage experience! Just put it in Spanish and on Galavision!

July 20th, 2004, 17:01	#28
pilot602 Old Skool Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: who haa Posts: 3,752	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] Pilot602, you could right a suspense novel about your marriage experience! Just put it in Spanish and on Galavision! [/ QUOTE ] Hell throw fabio on the cover and every girl/chick/woman/female on this board would probably buy it up, and be crying inside an hour! hmmmm .... this = solution to being poor? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm [/jokeatexpenseofself]

July 20th, 2004, 17:02	#29
Doug Taylor Agent Smith Join Date: Dec 1969 Location: KSDL Posts: 41,928 Blog Entries: 1	Re: Marriage Pressure... Maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme -- after all, you're both accomplished martial artists.

July 20th, 2004, 17:05	#30
cargopusher Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: WKRP in Cincinnati Posts: 156	Re: Marriage Pressure... I saw a quote once that said " the marriage certificate is what holds you together while you fall in and out of love" - I think it's true!! Just a romantic though.... I also saw an interview w/ a couple that had reached their 50+ anniversary and the woman was asked if she ever thought about divorce and she replied, " divorce never, but murder occasionally!!" Pretty funny!!

July 20th, 2004, 17:55	#31
MQAAord Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: The Looney Bin Posts: 9,624	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] Hell throw fabio on the cover and every girl/chick/woman/female on this board would probably buy it up, and be crying inside an hour! hmmmm .... this = solution to being poor? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm [/jokeatexpenseofself] [/ QUOTE ] Not this one! I detest sappy chick books.

July 20th, 2004, 18:05	#32
pilot602 Old Skool Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: who haa Posts: 3,752	Re: Marriage Pressure... Try living one (sappy chick book) for a few years ...

July 20th, 2004, 18:05	#33
mtsu_av8er Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Utopia Posts: 12,590	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] Besides, if you're in such a committed relationship that it's like being married, where is the hesitation coming from in actually getting married? Again, (to me) this signifies a lower level of committment, or maybe an uncertainty within the relationship (as in, there might be someone better out there) because if you're already that committed, why not get married? [/ QUOTE ] Not a lower level of commitment, at all!! I'm just hearing (from everybody - it's the basis of most folks' argument. . .) that that the biggest reason to be married, aside from the religious aspect, is the financial one. It's a way to "tie the other person in" so that your partner "can't just walk away...". And that's cool, too - I guess. It's almost as if it's an insurance policy for some, kind of a "I'm not going to put anymore into this relationship if I can't guarantee a return on my investment . . ." type of thing. Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe I'm just overly defensive about it. Maybe I just need to stop my whining and conform a little bit - give up this battle!!

July 20th, 2004, 18:20	#34
jtrain609 Old Skool Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Park City, UT Posts: 12,869	Re: Marriage Pressure... Just give up man, it'll make your life super easier

July 20th, 2004, 18:30	#35
mtsu_av8er Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Utopia Posts: 12,590	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] Just give up man, it'll make your life super easier [/ QUOTE ] I know it....

July 20th, 2004, 18:33	#36
TheShortOne Old Skool Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Park City, UT Posts: 3,602	Re: Marriage Pressure... i guess i'm more curious, why don't you want to get married? You've been asking why should you, but my question to you is, why shouldn't you?

July 20th, 2004, 18:35	#37
JEP Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Eden Prairie, MN (KFCM) (KMSP) Posts: 11,191 Blog Entries: 1	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] Maybe I just need to stop my whining and conform a little bit - give up this battle!! [/ QUOTE ] Well you know....Aren't the both of you making it out for Network JC? I hear they have these chapels all over the place. Things that make you say Hmmm !!

July 20th, 2004, 18:35	#38
music Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Burbank, CA Posts: 68	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] I've been divorced before, and it takes $400 and 30 days - plus 8 signitures and a Notary's seal - to end it. I understand that marriage is a commitment, but it's not like a recording contract. [/ QUOTE ] HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh god that was hillarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 20th, 2004, 18:44	#39
mtsu_av8er Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Utopia Posts: 12,590	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] i guess i'm more curious, why don't you want to get married? You've been asking why should you, but my question to you is, why shouldn't you? [/ QUOTE ] Not that I don't want to - I just don't understand why we have to get married. We were talking about it one night and she said that alot of people consider marriage to be the act that officiates the relationship. I'm assuming that she feels that way. So, my question : Does a married couple have a bigger connection to one another? Are they more committed? If that's yes, then in what way are you more committed? Are you able to see other people until the marriage date? Do we not have to share everything until that date? You know, I'd end my resistance if that waas the case. I'd be ready to move on if there was something that we'd have by being married that we don't have now. If we already have everything that a married couple would have, what exactly is the driving force?

July 20th, 2004, 18:47	#40
mtsu_av8er Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Utopia Posts: 12,590	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] Well you know....Aren't the both of you making it out for Network JC? I hear they have these chapels all over the place. Things that make you say Hmmm !! [/ QUOTE ] Yeah, we'll be there, and there's the slight possibility that I'll be forming an ad hoc wedding party at network JC!!!! However, she's not as keen on that. First, he friends and family won't be there, and second, she got married on Sept 24th the first time I believe and the honeymoon was in Vegas.... Gives her a bad feeling!!

July 20th, 2004, 18:57	#41
JEP Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Eden Prairie, MN (KFCM) (KMSP) Posts: 11,191 Blog Entries: 1	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] she got married on Sept 24th the first time I believe and the honeymoon was in Vegas.... Gives her a bad feeling!! [/ QUOTE ] Ooh ! Bad Karma

July 20th, 2004, 19:07	#42
TheShortOne Old Skool Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Park City, UT Posts: 3,602	Re: Marriage Pressure... i don't think a married couple is necissariliy more committed to eachother per se, but i do think not being married makes it easier to walk away when things get really bad instead of trying to work them out (but that depends like all of this, on the people involved). How about things like next of kin, being able to sign her kid's school forms (unless you can do that now, but up here it has to be parent/guardian of the kid) or what if, heaven forbid, something really bad should happen to her and her parents want to keep her on life support but you know she wouldn't want that and want her to be taken off (or whatever her wishes would be) as a husband you have precedent over the parents because you are considered to be closer to her. Then you can file joint taxes claim eachother's children as dependants and other fun gov't related things like that But like i said before, for me it's more of a public declaration of committment/love for family/friends. Perhaps are you dragging your feet because you went through a messy divorce before and are afraid you might have to do that again? (dunno, just askin and you don't have to answer if it's too personal) ok that's all from me now

July 20th, 2004, 19:21	#43
mtsu_av8er Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Utopia Posts: 12,590	Re: Marriage Pressure... I understand all of the things you're saying, but a power of attorney can do just about any of those things! The taxes - well, My daughter lives with her Mom, so that's a non-issue.. She's already getting my life insurance money if I should croak... My last divorce was really clean and easy! My ex and I are still friends and there was no fighting whatsoever! I'm not even worried about a dirty, bitter divorce. Who knows...I think I need therapy!!!

July 20th, 2004, 19:35	#44
TheShortOne Old Skool Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Park City, UT Posts: 3,602	Re: Marriage Pressure... ya i agree i have no idea then...it's just something women like to do...get all dressed up spend lots of money and have a big party i guess to me it seems like marriage is the ultimate thing you can offer someone, not that you can't have the same level of commitment...but i don't know...i can't explain what i mean

July 20th, 2004, 19:43	#45
mtsu_av8er Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Utopia Posts: 12,590	Re: Marriage Pressure... [ QUOTE ] i have no idea then...it's just something women like to do...get all dressed up spend lots of money and have a big party [/ QUOTE ] Finally, someone came right out and said it....

July 20th, 2004, 20:46	#46
TheShortOne Old Skool Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Park City, UT Posts: 3,602	Re: Marriage Pressure...

July 20th, 2004, 21:37	#47
SteveC Modulator Join Date: May 2003 Location: GRR Posts: 8,788	Re: Marriage Pressure... Adding marriage onto a relationship is like adding "esprit de corps" to a friendship. It's just one more level to the relationship. It's hard to define sometimes, and difficult to explain where the depth of commitment comes from. Think about your commitment to your childhood best friend growing up: he was your best buddy and you'd do "anything" for him. Compare that to the commitment to fellow Marines. Where you'd really do anything for them. Marriage can (or at least should) do the same thing for a relationship. When those difficult times come (and they always will), that extra level of personal commitment that marriage brings to the table is somehow like the commitment that you have to fellow Marines in combat. When things are really bad, that extra level of personal commitment is what can help carry you through when you really don't want to. You will not only go the extra mile, but carry the other person while you do.... [/goofy metaphor]

July 20th, 2004, 23:08	#48
TheWife Old Skool Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 4,180	Re: Marriage Pressure... Ooooh I like that!

July 20th, 2004, 23:12	#49
mtsu_av8er Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Utopia Posts: 12,590	Re: Marriage Pressure... Rhetoric....

July 21st, 2004, 03:01	#50
music Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Burbank, CA Posts: 68	Re: Marriage Pressure... The answers are in your own text my man. "SHE doesnt want to because HER friends and family wont be there." She wants to feel like its official, for her AND her friends and family... There is nothing wrong with that most people are like that but thats your reason why. I have a feeling you already know that though. That leads me to this. [ QUOTE ] "So, my question : Does a married couple have a bigger connection to one another? Are they more committed? If that's yes, then in what way are you more committed?" [/ QUOTE ] The answer to that question is the same as the answer to this question "Why dont you want to get married if its only $400, 8 signatures, and a notary?" Whatever is making you hold back is what scares her and wants you to put aside. You just gotta decide if thats what YOU want.

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