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Old July 2nd, 2007, 15:02   #23
bunghole
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Default Re: In quite a dilemma...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SeatClutcher View Post


It seems the girlfriend has legitimate concerns. Not everyone WANTS to raise children almost alone, and if she was thinking she would be with someone with a normal schedule, maybe this flying thing has caught her off guard.

There are two people in a relationship, and sometimes, both have a dream. The original post was pretty critical of the girlfriend's:

"Those types"? Those "types of complaints" sounds like perfectly respectable issues.

There are thousands of people who have made happy, successful lives working 9-5 and living behind a white picket fence, too.

Who would be the one most likely to end up spending a lot of time at home taking care of the kids?

How is she being selfish? And how would you describe your post explaining what she wants out of life, and your reaction to what she wants?

Well, no...not "granted"....that's the thing of it, isn't it? The two are very different. I understand why you feel like she's asking you to give up your dreams while living hers, but right now, you don't have kids (do you?). She's going to school before a career. That's different from having the kids and being home alone with them a lot of the time.

Imagine your roles reversed. Imagine you and she have a talk about the future and she tells you, "I've always wanted to be a doctor. I won't be home much - hardly at all, actually, for a few years, and after that I'll always be on call, so if you want kids, I hope you're prepared to be the primary caregiver."

What if you had previously thought you two would be sharing the child-rearing work pretty evenly?

Maybe she just knows what kind of life she wants.

If that's her mentality, how would you describe yours? What if she doesn't give you what YOU want? Will anything else cut it, or do you have expectations about your life that simply aren't easily negotiable?



Better to have her be put into submission and end up going along with the kind of life you want until the day she dies, eh?

Rather than either of you "submitting" (or, losing something of yourself and becoming resentful, if both of your feelings about your lifestyle expectations are that strong), you might end up having to accept a break up could make both of you happier than you might be if you stay together. Love don't always mean it's right, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Good luck.



Wow Seatclutcher! You really make it worth it to come back to JC and read some good advice. If this type of advice isnt your day job then perhaps you should consider a new career. Great insight! I hope he can really pull things together to do the 'right thing'

Ciao
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