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Originally Posted by nbv4  I forgot to mention one thing: my sisters and mother. They still live at home, and will have to live with him while he is going insane. I told my mom today that I don't want him coming along, and now she isn't talking to me because she knows this means she'll have to sit through one of his hissy fits (which will last for a few days at the very least).
This is the thing that tears me up. My whole life I have obeyed him, not out of love or respect, but because I feared having to endure one of his fits. My mom and sisters are the same way. I'm sure deep down inside my mom agrees its best that I go alone, but she doesn't want to go against my father because she knows how he'll react. Who do I look out for? My mom and sisters, or myself?
I think the only reason he is insisting to go is to prove to me that he is the one in charge. He has issues with control. If you disagree with him, he'll throw the biggest fit until you cave in.
A few summers ago I got the opportunity to live in an apartment with free rent, but he said I couldn't do it. He had no good reasons why I shouldn't live there, he just said "because I said so", and therefore i should just obey him. I tried to argue that this was a good move, but no matter what I said his response was always "I'm your father and you're not going because I say so" |
Your father acts the way that he does because he knows that he can get whatever he wants by acting a complete fool. Unfortunately both you and your other family members out of fear have give up complete control over your lifes to your father. It's past time to stop that and get it back. I'm defiantely not discounting Kristie's claim that he could be depressed and or bi-polar. But to me that is no excuse to allow him to have complete control over you and your life.
I can't tell you what to do about the car ride situation. But I'm
here to say that you're soon to be 24 yrs. old. It's well past time that you stood up to your father, took back control of your life,stopped fearing him and asserted your indivduality and control over your own life. Should you fail to do this then you can expect this behavior to creep into other aspects of your life. Be it finding a contolling/manipulate mate or you being coming the same way as your father out of repressed anger issues.
Like Kristie stated, before you even get in the car you need to talk. Plan for him to flip out but have your poker face on and stand steadfast and don't not relent. He will be expecting you to cave. Don't. If he flips out act calm don't allow him to control you though fear. Acting calm in the face of the storm takes away his power he has over you via fear and returns it to you. When he sees that he can't control you anymore he'll come to you and ask you what's up. I'd say:
"Oh I was waiting for you to stop acting like a child so we can talk. Are you done now?"
Now not knowing your father I don't know how that would go over. It could be a breaking point that allows the situation to cool and him to listen or he might go ape complete ape #### on you. All that I know is that I'ma very assertive person who isn't afraid to confront anyone and I'd rather live alone versus live under the thumb of someone.
What about you?