[TonyC]

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

...Okay dude. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? You must be the type to quit your job to stay home to "police" your child or loved one if (hypothetically) they were to ever become a crack head.

What in heaven's name are you talking about?!?! What gave you the idea that personal responsibility was being abdicated? Why do you keep referring to crack? Can you maintain a cogent train of thought?

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Don't take offense at this hypothetical situation. But would you let a family member on drugs stay in your house. Would you mortgage your house or sell all your valuables to get money to pay off a loved ones debt if they had a gambling problem? These are forms of enabling.

NO, and NO. What's your point?

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

You can only talk so long to someone, you can suggest that they seek help talk to them about counseling. But if their an adult you can't forcibly hospitalize them,just as I can't forcibly remove Vernetta or her children from this situation. Ultimately the only person that can seek to turn around their situation is the person with the problem.

Nobody has asked you to forcibly hospitalize anyone, nobody has suggested you forcibly remove anyone. We've only asked you to do something a normal five-year-old can do -- pick up the telephone and press 9, 1, and 1.

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

That I guess is what people are failing to understand. The police have been called. A report has been filed.

If people fail to understand this, it's because you have failed to mention it. Nowhere have you mentioned that someone has called the police. You said she was beaten, strangled, and suffocated, but not once mentioned the police.


Can you keep your story straight, please?

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

I wanted to educate a women who felt that she had no options on how to get out of her situation. Let her know that she does indeed have power and could regain that power and be a victim no longer. Because it is ultimately her who has the real power to end this sick affair, when she gets sick & tired enough she will end this situation and leave him and seek shelter from her troubles not the police.

You educate her, huh? Can you tell us, again, what your professional credentials are?

We can only pray that she'll come to that point before she expires, because you're certainly not going to help her escape sooner.

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

So I give up and wash my hands of the entire situation in utter frustration.

Sadly, there is no need for you to be frustrated. You've been given simple and specific actions that you can take that WILL help, yet you refuse to listen and act. Shall we help you dig that ostrich hole?

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Being a friend a real friend does not mean that you allow people to take advantage of you or your friendship. Being a friend is knowing your own personal boundries and knowing when someone has crossed them. Letting them know that if they choose to continue to go down that road because of their own personal choices that you won't follow. It's called tuff love.

You call this tough love? You won't listen to me, so I'm washing my hands - - that's "tuff" love. That is not love, it is selfishness. Rather than stick your neck out to help a woman who is clearly in danger, you're willing to forget about her and let the heinous nature of the boyfriend takes its course. Yeah, that's really tough, Jenius.

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Again he has hit her attempted suffication and choked her. He has a prior criminal record and a history of violence. What I think all are failing to hear is that she is unwilling to leave him. It would be so very easy for her call the police herself and have him arrested for parole violation. Yet he is still there.

Idiot! If she were of sound mind and clear vision, she wouldn't be where she is, and that's EXACTLY why she needs a friend to make the call FOR her. "It would be so very easy," you say, "for her to call the police." Well, of course it's easy - - that's what we've been telling you for days. Why do you insist it's NOT easy, or it WON'T be effective, or YOU'RE not the one that should do it.

She obviously cannot make a sound decision on her own - - there's no need to argue the why's and wherefore's, because you already know she's screwed up. Waiting for her to suddenly come to her senses and make a smart judgment is like waiting for a baby to climb back in her crib. It ain't happnin'! SHE NEEEDS SOMEONE TO CALL THE POLICE FOR HER.

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

After reading that I can tell that you have never done any kind of counciling or crisis management. No one can be "rescued" that doesn't want to be helped first.

Wrong.

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Furthermore no one should be rescued a rescuer is nothing but a person who continues to enable the person who has the problem.

Tell the police that they're enabling her self-beating when they go to her house and find the bruises and marks on her cheek and neck.

I can't believe the psychobabble that you're... no, wait... I can believe it, and perhaps I'm gaining a deeper insight in to whay you're unable to help your "friend."

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

A person who wants help not rescue must first ask for it and follow through with the steps to get aid for their problem.
To continue to try to assist someone that doesn't want to be helped is called enabling and being co-depenedent.

more psychobabble

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

As harsh as it sounds there is only so much that you can do before you have to raise your hands to the sky and say I'M DONE. I have done all that I could.

No, you have not. You have yet to do the simplest, yet most important thing. Dial 9 - 1 - 1

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

She has continuely refused aid from both family and friends. Next you will say that we her family and friends should sneak into her house under cover of darkness and forcibly remove her from the situation.

Are you daft?!?!? How much clearer can my advice be??!?!?

AGAIN - - do this:


DIAL 9 1 1

I already even told you what to say. You only have to fill in a few blanks - - her name, her cell phone number, and her place of employment. Leave the rest to the professionals.

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

At what point would you stop,step back and access the situation and let go.

Right after I called 9 - 1 - 1

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

Furthermore Tony who are you to question the advice of a trained professional. You have no PH.D your not properly trained in matters of addiction,interventions or crisis management. For that matter niether am I. This is akin to the the a.net guys aruging flight characteristic of a 757 with a trained pilot,because they performed the similar approach on MSFS. I address this as you say the advice given to me by my mother does little to help Vernetta situation.

The difference is you're apparently so close to the problem, or so messed up yourself, that you refuse the sound advice of several others. It is only when you refuse that advice, and then receive the feedback from those who disagree with your course of action, or inaction, as it were, that you produce these lines of reasoning, these professional opinions, and these revised facts.


Driving down the road, you see a young boy, perhaps 7 or 8 years old, walking at a brisk pace with a determination to get somewhere, but he is strangely out of place. The road, after all, is a limited access road (think Interstate) with a high volume of vehicles travelling at very fast speed limits, and no sidewalk. You pull over to the side of the road to find out what the problem is, because there clearly IS a problem. He explains that he is running away from home because he is unhappy with the decision his mother just made about an issue dear to his heart. In his haste to leave home, he neglected to dress properly for the adventure, and the cold temperatures will soon overcome him. Despite your offer for help, however, he refuses a ride, and he refuses the offer of a coat. He will not get in your car, because he has learned about people like you, and you're not willing (wisely, I might add) to force him into your car. In your judgment, he will in short time either die of exposure or be hit by a passing car. Yet, he insists on proceding on his journey to "away."


You did everything you could do. Perhaps you called friends and asked their advice as to how best to convince the young boy to accept your warm coat, or ride with you to the next exit. Still, the boy refuses your help, and he continues to walk.


Do you have the guts to call the police?




Really?

Originally Posted by Maximillian_Jenius

I just wish that someone could see all my points that I have made not only in this post but others to maybe begin to understand that no matter what I do or say no ammount of assitance will help this lady if she first doesn't admit that A.) She has a problem that is beyond her means to control. B.) Honestly ask and seek aid and education to escape the grasp of this sick and potentially dangerous situation. That she continually keeps herself in.

You haven't made points, you've only made excuses. You're only rationalizing to soothe your conscience.



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