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EatSleepFly · March 20th, 2005, 21:35

I need some advice from those of you kind enough to read my post.

My youngest brother is 16 years old. He's making some really dumb decisions and has been getting into trouble for the past two years or so. He smokes like a chimney, he's into a lot of drugs and alcohol, owes people money, and has gotten in so much trouble in school that he has to finish out the year with a tutor off of school grounds. In fact, he probably won't even go next year, because it doesn't look like he's going to make it through this year. He has yet to get in any serious trouble with the law, but it's only a matter of time. I'm in awe that he hasn't yet.

Whenever he has acted up at school, they've just suspended him. The system is so screwed up that once he gets to a certain point in the discipline system, he gets "out of school" suspension (as opposed to "in school" which is a little lower on the scale where they make him sit in one room and do work all day without contact with other kids). So basically, this just gives him vacation. What kind of incentive is that for him to do what he's supposed to? I find this utterly rediculous, and personally think that the school (among other things) is partially to blame for his downward spiral. They just don't seem to give a hoot. My parents can't really afford to send him to a private school, and I don't even know if that kind of thing would even be possible if they could.

Some background info...

My parents are divorced. I'm not sure if this situation can be blamed on that or not, because three of the four of us turned out just fine. I'm "living the dream" (haha...), my next youngest brother is nearing completion of his criminal justice degree with plans to go into law enforcement, and my third brother is going into the military after he graduates this summer.

As for the problem child, my mom has tried repeatedly to take him to doctors, counselors, drug tests, etc. He just won't go, and my poor little mom can't physically make him. My dad really can't either for that matter. They are afraid of him, and I suppose it's a rational fear. He's nuts.

Both of my parents work long days. He lives with my dad, but with dad gone most of the day, he's basically free to do as he pleases. The rest of my dad's side of the family all lives in the same area, but they are afraid to do/say anything to my dad or offer to help out because my dad has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want them involved, for their sake and maybe even safety. My uncle is a probation officer who deals with this kind of thing all the time, but he won't sacrafice his relationship with his brother to straighten out his nephew...and rightfully so. I haven't lived in the area in years, and my other brother is in college thats kind of far away so there's not much we can do. My third brother is a senior in high school there, but works a lot, is a good kid, and really can't be expected to get involved with the situation, although he's tried to help some, to no avail (we all have at various points).

So, he's basically ruining our entire family. My mom is pretty depressed because on top of all this, she works two jobs and her house had a fire a few weeks ago (she was OK physically). My dad is depressed too. He hides it better, but I can tell when I talk to him on the phone that he's not the dad I once knew. It's wearing on all of us. My family is well known and respected in the community they live in, but my brother is really bringing everyone down. I feel really bad for all involved. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are saints, and I really hate to see them suffering because of my brother's thoughtless acts. Part of me wishes that he would just get thrown in jail or hurry up and get himself killed already.

So, is there anything that can be done? What would you do if he were your kid (be serious please, I know what I'd like to do too, but can't). It really just tears me up to see him hurting my family like this and I'm just looking for opinions I guess on things that I or they could do to improve the situation. My brother and I have tried talking to him, but my cat listens better and that's not saying much.

Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. I'll provide more details if needed. I know it's kind of a personal topic, but at this point, there isn't much to lose. I even posted this on flightinfo....at the risk of getting flamed to a smoking crisp.

Thanks in advance!

March 20th, 2005, 21:35	#1
EatSleepFly Old Skool Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: ?? Posts: 4,600	Need some serious advice... I need some advice from those of you kind enough to read my post. My youngest brother is 16 years old. He's making some really dumb decisions and has been getting into trouble for the past two years or so. He smokes like a chimney, he's into a lot of drugs and alcohol, owes people money, and has gotten in so much trouble in school that he has to finish out the year with a tutor off of school grounds. In fact, he probably won't even go next year, because it doesn't look like he's going to make it through this year. He has yet to get in any serious trouble with the law, but it's only a matter of time. I'm in awe that he hasn't yet. Whenever he has acted up at school, they've just suspended him. The system is so screwed up that once he gets to a certain point in the discipline system, he gets "out of school" suspension (as opposed to "in school" which is a little lower on the scale where they make him sit in one room and do work all day without contact with other kids). So basically, this just gives him vacation. What kind of incentive is that for him to do what he's supposed to? I find this utterly rediculous, and personally think that the school (among other things) is partially to blame for his downward spiral. They just don't seem to give a hoot. My parents can't really afford to send him to a private school, and I don't even know if that kind of thing would even be possible if they could. Some background info... My parents are divorced. I'm not sure if this situation can be blamed on that or not, because three of the four of us turned out just fine. I'm "living the dream" (haha...), my next youngest brother is nearing completion of his criminal justice degree with plans to go into law enforcement, and my third brother is going into the military after he graduates this summer. As for the problem child, my mom has tried repeatedly to take him to doctors, counselors, drug tests, etc. He just won't go, and my poor little mom can't physically make him. My dad really can't either for that matter. They are afraid of him, and I suppose it's a rational fear. He's nuts. Both of my parents work long days. He lives with my dad, but with dad gone most of the day, he's basically free to do as he pleases. The rest of my dad's side of the family all lives in the same area, but they are afraid to do/say anything to my dad or offer to help out because my dad has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want them involved, for their sake and maybe even safety. My uncle is a probation officer who deals with this kind of thing all the time, but he won't sacrafice his relationship with his brother to straighten out his nephew...and rightfully so. I haven't lived in the area in years, and my other brother is in college thats kind of far away so there's not much we can do. My third brother is a senior in high school there, but works a lot, is a good kid, and really can't be expected to get involved with the situation, although he's tried to help some, to no avail (we all have at various points). So, he's basically ruining our entire family. My mom is pretty depressed because on top of all this, she works two jobs and her house had a fire a few weeks ago (she was OK physically). My dad is depressed too. He hides it better, but I can tell when I talk to him on the phone that he's not the dad I once knew. It's wearing on all of us. My family is well known and respected in the community they live in, but my brother is really bringing everyone down. I feel really bad for all involved. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are saints, and I really hate to see them suffering because of my brother's thoughtless acts. Part of me wishes that he would just get thrown in jail or hurry up and get himself killed already. So, is there anything that can be done? What would you do if he were your kid (be serious please, I know what I'd like to do too, but can't). It really just tears me up to see him hurting my family like this and I'm just looking for opinions I guess on things that I or they could do to improve the situation. My brother and I have tried talking to him, but my cat listens better and that's not saying much. Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. I'll provide more details if needed. I know it's kind of a personal topic, but at this point, there isn't much to lose. I even posted this on flightinfo....at the risk of getting flamed to a smoking crisp. Thanks in advance!